Tacky? Tasteful? I need to know!!!

I want to emphasize that everyone has different taste, and I completely respect that. Everyone’s home is perfectly designed for them, and that’s what counts.

That being said…

The pinks, blues, and golds carry through the entire house!

All the rooms look so cohesive and comfortable.

Here, we have the obligatory “hello, my dear spouse — funny running into you here!” shot in the home office. The inspiration for this room was Star Trek: The Next Generation, and they nailed the retro-futuristic look.

I would absolutely kill* for a bathroom like this.

*Note to the government: This is a joke. I wouldn’t kill anyone for any reason. <3

My colleague said this empty hallway “looks like a throat,” and he’s not wrong!!!

It’s just so…sterile. Travis explained that he “doesn’t like when people put a bunch of things everywhere,” and that’s fair. But you still have to put something somewhere.

Some might say this shot was staged, but they would be wrong. You see, I, too, love sitting on my kitchen counter in only an oversized shirt while working on my precariously-balanced laptop as my partner is being filmed. #JustWifeThings

All these rooms look like the most boring hotel on earth — they’re the perfect places to sit and feel anxious about how empty the rest of his house is. 

But I do love the curtains and general window area in the bedroom!

85% of this apartment’s “Adorable” score is because of this view. Plus, her place is cozy and actually feels lived in, and I’m obsessed.

I love a work space that looks just a little chaotic. She records in this room, so she designed the space with that in mind.

Legit question: Why would anyone want a home in the Hills with its famous views of dirty, dusty hills and smog when you could get an LA apartment and actually have a gorgeous view of the city and surrounding area?!

Townhouses are already so narrow, and this two-story bookcase makes the walls feel like they’re closing in.

This stomach-churning glass walkway just doesn’t do it for me.

I actually like the kitchen area a lot, but the townhouse is once again so cramped that the rooms run into each other awkwardly.

As with everything else in the house, this child’s bedroom has SO MUCH going on. But I know kids can have picky taste and outlandish demands, so if this space was the result of a child’s imagination, I think that’s delightful.

Architectural Digest / Via youtu.be

Just look at this kitchen and dining room and tell me you wouldn’t pull a George Costanza and push an old lady over to eat a meal in here.

See, Travis Barker? Minimalism doesn’t need to feel bone-crushingly creepy!

And here is the money shot. The woman has a WHOLE ASS SPA in her house. Hey now hey now, this is what dreams are made of!!!!!!

Frankly, this zombie windmill doesn’t look any happier to be here than I am to see it.

This living room does not encourage relaxation and focus. It gives off a weird vibe…maybe this is where the windmill zombie comes to unwind? Whatever it is, I want no part of it.

Architectural Digest / Via youtu.be

These rooms are fine. Whatever. The main issue here is it was a legitimate struggle to capture a single good photo of this house without RDJ hamming it up in the middle of the frame. At least he’s in the right profession.

Shonda has excellent taste in wallpaper. In her words, “I let the wallpaper really be the choice for the room and everything else sort of complement it.”

She’s also really great at matching textures and colors that seem like they wouldn’t go together but actually look like a cohesive unit.

Her kitchen has clear cabinets with windows behind them to maximize natural light, which people in cities know is a MUST to ward off seasonal depression.

The dining and living areas are carved into opposite ends of the same space, but that’s not even the best part of the room. Get a load of this shit: a mattress is hidden behind one of the walls so guests can close the doors and have a private place to stay when they visit.

Three unrelated things happening at the same time — what is this room, Season 4 of Scandal?

The kitchen is kind of cute, but the copper is probably a bitch to clean, and it’s just too dark.

How is this entire house not covered in dust? Sure, she’s rich and can hire someone to clean…but the average home still accumulates dust at a startling rate, right? That’s why so many adults are so stoked to buy expensive cordless vacuum cleaners.*

*Seriously a life-changing purchase. 10/10.

Every time I walk through my apartment at night, I get spooked by lamps and hanging jackets and really anything in the shadows that looks like it might be an intruder. All this to say, maybe I don’t like this home because every five feet there’s an upsettingly realistic taxidermied animal just waiting to scare the ever-loving shit out of me. 

Architectural Digest / Via youtu.be

I’m torn. On one hand, a mirror on the headboard is like a waking nightmare for me. But on the other hand, the deck off her bedroom is to die for.

All his chairs and couches look like you could actually sit on them for awhile without ruining your spine, which is very important* after the age of 26.

*I’m warning you now, Gen Z. One day you feel young and energetic, and the next you wake up with three kinds of back pain and an inability to process fried food.

His bedroom is on the smaller side (for a celebrity), but he clearly loves the space and built it for his own needs.

I’m kind of obsessed with this bathroom.

This whole house is giving Frank Lloyd Wright, and it’s incredible.

I loooove this outdoor space. 

The piano room is one of the less anxiety-inducing areas in her house. Everything is a bit sterile and creepy, but the piano looks like it might actually be used, unlike a lot of egregiously neglected pianos in wealthy people’s homes. And the view is very calming. Could be much worse!!!

Speaking of much worse, presenting: Kim’s “fave room in my house.” It’s a nightmare.

Where are the signs of LIFE?! Where are the spills and toys and books and pictures and too much fur from a pet who defiantly sits on the couch no matter how many times you try to dissuade them??? I hate it here.

And of course, the famous big-bed-in-the-middle-of-the-empty-room. This isn’t how people live; this is how aliens pretending to be people live. It gives me the heebie-jeebies, and I want no part of it.

These rooms are fine, but they still look a bit unfinished, un-lived in, unwelcoming, and just generally like they were abandoned long ago.

The island centerpiece is the only real home decor in this room, and I kind of think it’s ugly as hell, but at least it’s something. I am pleasantly surprised to see her countertops aren’t marble or granite or some other hard and cold stone.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been trying very hard to find little things I like about this house and not just shit on it, because that’s been done to death. But this hallway? Sorry, I can’t. Yes, there is light, but sun alone does not protect our world from human suffering.

This hallway is like an abandoned museum wing after a devastating fire, or a street-level entrance to the Paris catacombs, or the path that Fortunato was led down with the promise of amontillado before descending into the depths of Montresor’s wine cellar — never to be seen again.

Amazing front entrance. Normally, I think lion statues would be tacky, but they’re sort of perfect here with the white bricks, enormous blue doors, and leafy plants.

Her living room is terrific! Welcoming, spacious, and clearly personalized to her own taste and style. 10/10.

The dining room feels so warm and personalized. The yellow and purple go so well together.

This might be my favorite bedroom out of every celeb on this list. I love the wallpaper, and I’m not even super creeped out by the mirror headboard — although it’s incredibly impractical.

Cara’s patio area is gorgeous. I don’t even mind the parrot!

She does a great job of seamlessly blending the indoor and outdoor spaces.

Architectural Digest / Via youtu.be

You know how when you get pregnant, your normal-looking genitals slowly transform into a washing machine over 40 weeks to facilitate a smoother delivery?

Also, it’s giving The Ring.

“Hugh Hefner is a big inspiration for this house.” —Cara Delevingne

And now my shoulders are up to my ears with anxiety. Terrific. Gross.

Architectural Digest / Via youtu.be

Cara thinks of herself as the Mad Hatter and calls her home an “Alice in Wonderland house,” which I guess kind of explains the ball pit, but also not at all? Regardless, that doesn’t look like a fun time; it looks like a petri dish.

On a parting note, I’ll leave you with this image of her totally normal flower arrangement. You’re welcome!