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I’ve Never Seen “Stranger Things” So I Decided To Watch The Pilot And Finale Episodes, But Nothing Else

Hi I’m Devina, and I’ve never watched a single episode of Stranger Things. I know I know, it’s practically criminal. With all the buzz around the most recent season coming out, I thought it was time I finally gave it a go (mainly because I’m now getting serious FOMO).

I should probably start by telling you what I already know about the show…which is close to nothing. I know it’s about a group of kids, the recent season got Kate Bush to number one in the charts, and I’m pretty sure there’s a scary thing called a demetor? Dementor? No, that’s Harry Potter. I told you, I know close to nothing. Right, let’s fix that ASAP.

THE PILOT EPISODE – here we go.

Set in 1983?? Ok, didn’t expect that. So we’re in a (pretty dingy-looking) lab, and this slow zoom into a door is creeping me out already – and we’re approximately 0.2 seconds in.

OKAY, THAT MADE ME JUMP. What I can only assume is a terrified scientist just busted out of the door, and my soul has officially left my body. Right, I should mention I don’t do well with jumpy things, so this will be fun.

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I’m pretty sure scientist guy just got killed by this ominous thing that I assume was created in the lab. Ok wait, why is this making me think of Frankenstein? I’m no expert on this show but I’m fairly sure we won’t be seeing scientist guy again.

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Next up, we’re seeing a group of kids playing in a house. Ok, this feels more settled. They’re playing a game that’s reminding me of that episode of Lizzie McGuire when Gordo got addicted to that Dungeons board game.

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OMG and in Riverdale when everyone got obsessed with “Gryphons and Gargoyles”?! That was a weird season.

Aaw, this really cute kid just offered – who I’m assuming is his friend’s sister – some pizza, and she slammed the door in his face?! I’m way too much of an empath for this.

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Ok fast forward a little, now the kids are riding their bikes home (at night??? definitely the ’80s), and it’s giving me serious The Goonies, The Lost Boys, Stand By Me vibes – anyone else? Plus, seeing them on their bikes like that is making me think of E.T.

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I should mention, seeing almost anyone on a bike makes me think of E.T.

Why why WHY is this kid cycling through a RESTRICTED area by himself at night? I mean I know it’s the ’80s, but come on now. Also, I’m getting the feeling something’s about to make me jump again.

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OMG is that the demo… science lab thing? Yep, there it is, there’s the thing that made me jump. Right on cue.

That dog is so cute.

Ok so now this *thing* has followed the kid – Will – to his house and there’s no one home?? You’ve got to be kidding me.

He’s now left his house to make a run for the gun in the shed, and I don’t know if this kid’s brave or stupid (I haven’t decided yet).

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If it was me, there’s no way in hell I would’ve left my house with that *thing* lurking outside.

Wait, he’s gone? The kid’s just gone?? Okay, I’ve made my decision, he’s stupid. Brave for sure, but definitely stupid.

Ok, new scene, new character, no idea who this guy is. But now I’m watching him take a shower.

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Update: he’s a police sheriff.

Another new scene, we’re seeing Will’s mum (Winona Ryder?!) and brother lowkey freak out about the fact they can’t find Will. I’m officially too soft for this show because my head is currently in my hands.

Ok now that kid’s older sister – Nancy – who slammed the door in the cute kid’s face, is talking about a boy called Steve. Ordinarily I’d be interested, but I still don’t like her.

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Also, looks like she’s BFFs with Ethel from Riverdale?!

Winona’s now freaking out about Will going missing to the continuously aggy-looking sheriff, and he doesn’t seem to be taking it very seriously. I swear it always starts off this way: the sheriff brushes off a concerned mother, the police are blind to the situation, they realise once it’s too late, and everyone dies.

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Okay tell me, how close am I?

Okay back to the lab, and this looks tense. I’m not going to lie, I don’t get a good vibe from these lab guys. They’ve arrived on some abandoned floor in the building, and something tells me I’m definitely about to jump again.

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EW WHAT IS THAT???

The lab guys are talking about some girl that’s escaped, and we’re now watching a girl steal some food from a restaurant and get caught. I think we can assume this is said girl.

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Is the chef Toby from This Is Us?? Ok I’ve decided I already love him.

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Okay, we’ve now cut back to the boys at school, and the sheriff’s getting information from them about Will’s route home. He’s told the boys not to go out searching for Will but let’s be honest, we all know there’s no way that’s happening.

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We’re now back to Toby and the escapee – Eleven – and I’m pretty sure she just stopped a fan with her mind?? This is like telekinesis on a whole new level. I’m not sure if we should be scared of her or not though…so I’ll get back to you on that.

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Back to the sheriff, who just found Will’s bike!!! He’s gone to tell Winona and take a look around the house, and now we’re watching him walk into the shed. OMG is that thing still in there?? I want to scream at the screen.

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Let me correct myself, I am screaming at the screen.

False alarm, the sheriff is still with us. Alright so now we’re seeing everyone either talking about Will’s disappearance or looking for him. There’s a search party going on in the woods right now, but why are they doing this at night?

The kids are now talking on walkie talkies? Yep, definitely the ’80s.

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They’ve decided to meet up and I’m pretty sure it’s to search for Will. Called it.

I’m waiting for this Steve and Nancy storyline to become relevant.

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But right now we’re watching Steve climb through Nancy’s window, and can I just say – this guy reeks of desperation.

Back to Toby and Eleven, and the social services woman just shot Toby. As wild as this sounds, I don’t think this woman is actually from social services.

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OMG she’s one of the lab guys!!! Run, Eleven, run!

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It’s giving E.T. again – we’re watching the boys on their bikes looking for Will (as predicted, may I add).

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I’m getting flashbacks to how badly it went left the last time these kids were on their bikes, and I’m officially back to screaming at the screen.

OMG so Winona and Will’s brother just got a phone call with heavy breathing coming from the other end??

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Mini story-time, that happened to me once (entirely different context FYI), and I genuinely lobbed the phone across my bedroom. Winona freaked out too, but in a totally different way.

Back to the kids on their bikes trying to find Will (which is not at all a recipe for disaster), and now they’ve just run into Eleven in the forest???

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Okay I’ve got to admit, that was GOOD. It’s not normally my kind of thing, but I’m so hooked!! Right, let’s talk about my predictions before I go ahead and watch the latest episode (season four, episode nine).

PREDICTIONS!

– So I’ve gone back and forth on whether I think Will’s dead or not but you know what, I think he’s still alive. I reckon he might come back brainwashed or have some kind of telekinesis ability like Eleven.

• I’m also fairly certain the boys will take Eleven under their wing, and they’ll end up forming some kind of group that’ll take all of this into their own hands.

• I think they’ll discuss theories, come up with strategies, and end up fighting these demo… things with the help of Will once he’s back on the scene. 

• I also think their parents will be those typical oblivious parents in movies that have no idea of the danger their kids put themselves in. But hey, it’s the ’80s.

• Ooh also, I think we’ll be introduced to more characters like Eleven who have been experimented on in the lab (because if she’s number 11, how many of them actually are there?). 

• Then the others that are like Eleven will each have different powers or whatever, and work with the group of kids to fight these things. Oh, and they’ll have to be on the run from the lab guys. I don’t like the lab guys.

• I’m also waiting for something to happen with Steve and Nancy. But I think it’s too early to see how that one will pan out right now. 

– Oh also I think more people will go missing. Like maybe Steve. And Ethel from Riverdale. 

Right okay, now let’s see if I’m right about any of that. Here we go, let’s skip to season four episode nine! (Wish me luck, let’s pray I don’t jump too much).

THE LATEST EPISODE – THE SEASON FOUR FINALE

Okay, so it starts with some guys and a helicopter? No clue who they are but let’s see. Oh also, one of them’s speaking Russian.

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Winona!!! Okay, she’s talking to a man (no clue who he is either) but the flirting vibes are coming through STRONG. He also has some pretty serious-looking scars. I’m guessing he must’ve been taken by those bad *things* – hence the scars.

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OMG Will’s alive!!! Called it. Also, Steve’s still alive?? Definitely didn’t see that one coming. So what I’ve gathered is there’s some big mission or something they’re planning.

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To rescue the rest of the group maybe? Because where are the others?!

There’s some weird tension between Steve and Nancy, so I’m pretty sure they’re not together anymore.

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I’m getting the feeling I was wrong about the rest of the group needing to be rescued…because I’ve just seen more of them. So that’s out. Also, Kate Bush is playing!!!

Apparently “phase one” is starting, so I think we can assume this is a pretty elaborate plan they’ve got.

Who are these quarterback-looking guys??

Ohhhh that guy with Winona is Eleven’s dad!! It looks like these two are separated from their kids, and in Russia???

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Okay here’s what I’ve gathered – there are some dangerous monster things facing the kids, and the parents are trying to help them out by destroying some particles (???) which are in a Russian prison that they just broke out of?? Wait – how did they end up in a Russian prison??

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Now I’m watching some of the kids bribe a surfer guy working in a fast food joint with a joint so they can use the kitchen for some superpower stuff. Sounds pretty normal.

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Now some of the other kids are walking around in the woods at night – again?? Clearly, they haven’t learned anything on that front since the pilot episode. Speaking of the woods, Steve’s now talking to Nancy about being a “changed man” and blah blah, so I’m guessing he messed things up with her.

Some of the kids are in what I can only assume is a haunted house, and they’re writing notes to each other instead of speaking. Is this like that Emily Blunt film where they have to be extra quiet or the monsters come out??

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In other news, it looks like they’re now onto phase two of this mission and no one appears to have died yet, so that’s a plus.

We’re now watching Mike and Eleven at a diner together, and it looks like there’s some kind of history between these two – so that’s a new development.

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Aaaw, there’s a cute little heart-to-heart happening right now between Will and his brother, and even though I don’t know the backstory here, I may or may not need to grab a tissue.

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Unsurprisingly, I have no idea what’s going on right now but I’m watching Eleven lay in a bathtub so that she can see what’s going on with the others at the haunted house.

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And there I was thinking all she had was telekinesis.

Also, this Max girl is talking to a lamp as if it’s a monster thing, and I’m quite concerned. I know it sounds like an Aladdin genie-in-a-lamp type of scenario, but I’m pretty sure it’s not quite like that.

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Speaking of Max, this thing that looks like a cross between Voldemort and Chewbacca just went into her mind?? Body?? Soul??? I have no idea, but I can’t be the only one that thinks it looks like Chewbacca?

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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BATS???

Update: Eleven’s still in the bathtub.

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Ok what is going on with the quarterback?? He – Jason – is now pointing a gun at Lucas?? Jason, I don’t know who you are or what your problem is, but just go home. Respectfully.

On a lighter note, Winona and Eleven’s dad are so cute, I ship them so hard!!!

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Ok now I’m watching these extra-terrestrial snakes attack Nancy and co, and I’m suddenly so confused about how many different *things* there are. So have a load of different monsters just taken over the world in the last few seasons??

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There’s so much going on that I’m so overwhelmed.

Also random question, but why is Dustin’s outfit reminding me of Big Bird from Sesame Street?

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Guys I’m baffled, is this all actually happening or is it some dream/Inception situation?! Everyone’s fighting off different variations of these monsters and I just have so many questions!!!

Oh no I think one of the *things* just clocked the kids’ plan. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t know what the plan was, but this Voldemort/Chewbacca thing has definitely caught on.

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And before me, might I add.

Meanwhile, this quarterback Jason guy is still pointing a gun at Lucas. Surely I’m not the only one that sees there’s a bigger issue here that could use their attention.

Update on the more important matters, Eleven just saved Max from Voldemort/Chewbacca!! Also, there’s still loads of bats?

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Oh, the bats have tails. Never mind, not bats.

This isn’t the most important takeaway from this episode, but the Chewbacca thing just cracked its neck like the zombies in the Michael Jackson Thriller music video.

Do you reckon someone should tell Eleven her nose keeps bleeding?

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So apparently Voldemort/Chewbacca’s name is Henry? Doesn’t seem too menacing of a name TBH. Eleven’s trying to emotionally relate to this *thing* and it’s making me really want to know what I missed in the last four seasons.

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OHHHH Henry used to be a human?! Okay okay, the name seems more fitting now.

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OMG Eleven’s being suffocated by those snake *things* and she’s dying?! What is going on this is so emotional. Mike’s telling her he loves her (as she’s in the bathtub) and boy does this kid know how to give a speech.

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Telekinesis has nothing on her, Eleven just broke free using the strength of her mind?? It’s official, I love this girl.

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Back to Will and Eleven’s parents, I just watched them get chased by this thing whose head opened up like a flower. But in a much scarier way than I just described it.

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Phase four!!! Okay good, we’re (relatively) on track.

There are so many different fight scenes going on simultaneously right now, and they’re all against different monster *things*.

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Also key information, Kate Bush is playing.

Can we also pause for a second to talk about how cute Winona and her man’s matching coats are??

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OMG the guitar guy – Eddie – is dying?!

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And although I have no idea who he really is, this death scene is breaking my bloody heart.

Hold on a second, now Max is dying too?? Stop I can’t take this, this is so sad. It looks like Eleven’s trying to bring her back to life though, so let’s see what happens.

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TWO DAYS LATER. According to the news, there was an “earthquake”, but I think they just don’t know about the flower monsters, tailed bats, or Henry.

The kids are reunited with each other!!! Something tells me they’ve been away from each other for a while. This is all so cute. Also, Will’s brother and Nancy are a thing?? Wow, awks for Steve.

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Okay update on Max, she’s in hospital and they don’t know if she’s going to make it, but Eleven basically brought her back to life.

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But it looks like that’s not necessarily common knowledge.

Meanwhile, some of the other kids are volunteering at a shelter after the “earthquake”. Dustin’s just had to tell Eddie’s uncle that he died honourably, and it was so sad.

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I’m not crying, you are.

Next up there’s a scene showing Will and Mike talking about everything that’s been going on, and although there’s a lot I don’t understand, what I am getting is that there’s this person or *thing* called “One” who they say needs to be killed, and he seems to be a pretty big deal.

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Eleven and her dad are reunited!!! I’m getting the vibe they’ve not seen each other since he was taken by the *things*? Am I right? Now Winona’s reunited with her boys too, and this is all just so cute.

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The episode ended with some stuff (??) falling from the sky (I think it’s ash), and now they’re watching what looks like the actual end of the world from a distance.

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WOW, okay. That was…intense. To say the least. But honestly, I wish I watched this all the way through because this show is amazing. Don’t get me wrong I’m very confused, but boy did I get invested. I know a fifth season is coming up, and something tells me that’s going to be even *more* intense. So in conclusion, it looks like I have until then to catch up properly.

But in the meantime, what do we reckon is going to happen in the next season?? Tell me in the comments below!

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