Captain America F–ks: An Investigation

With the revelations of She-Hulk: Attorney At Law's opening episode, Empire presents a thorough investigation into Steve Rogers' virginity (or lack thereof).

Warning: Contains spoilers for She-Hulk: Attorney At Law Episode 1.

The first episode of She-Hulk: Attorney At Law raises a question that has long haunted the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and in fact pided the Empire team. When, exactly, did Steve Rogers first have sex? An intrusive and overly-personal question, sure, but he’s a fictional character so he’s not here to look disappointed in us.

Inspired by our new role model, Jennifer “She-Hulk” Walters, we lay out the case.

The Issue At Hand

The question is this: before disappearing through the time tunnel to return the Infinity Stones at the end of Endgame and then stopping permanently in 1946 or so with Peggy, who presumably sorted him out, had Steve Rogers ever had Biblical knowledge of a lady*? When and where did Rogers ‘punch his V-card’, as the saying goes?

*(Stucky fans, that’s a whole other question).

The Evidence For Sex

In She-Hulk: Attorney At Law, Bruce Banner states as fact that Steve lost his virginity in 1943 to one of the women on his USO tour, the Star Spangled Singers who accompanied him around the US and then to war-torn Europe. Judging by his reaction to Jennifer’s reaction to this news, that was information given to Bruce in confidence that he didn’t entirely plan to spread. Bruce most likely heard this from Steve himself, making it potentially admissible as hearsay evidence in the absence of the first party. If not, it would have come from a close friend to both like Natasha, who has a history of prying into Steve’s sex life and in attempting to set him up with likely (and unlikely) girlfriends. The scoop could also have come via Bucky, but as far as we know he and Bruce haven’t spent much time together prior to the end of Endgame at least. Either way, Bruce’s information would be at least second-hand, but would come from a source well positioned to know.

To this we can add Steve’s own awkward but emphatic assertion to Black Widow, in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, that he had indeed kissed a girl post-1945. While Steve has been known to lie for strategic reasons, he doesn’t do it much, and has no history of lying about personal matters to friends. This chimes with the evidence of the deleted scenes in Avengers where he’s seen befriending / flirting with a waitress, suggesting that post-serum Steve has at least some game. It also shows that Steve may well have been pining for Peggy emotionally, but wasn’t necessarily doing so all on his lonesome. Given Natasha’s tenacity, we can also assume that she continued to try to set him up on dates between The Winter Soldier and Age Of Ultron or Civil War, offering many more chances for rumpy pumpy.

Steve’s visible romantic history also includes a brief hook-up with Sharon Carter during the events of Civil War, which may have been rekindled while both were on the run. His kiss with Natalie Dormer’s Lorraine, the hussy who tries to seduce him in Army HQ during World War II, is less inexpert than ill-timed, suggesting a degree of experience whether pre-serum or during his USO days.

The Case For Virginity

The case for Steve’s lack of experience rests chiefly on his character: would this unassuming, idealistic type really be shagging rings around himself with no strings attached? It seems improbable that he would ‘hit it and quit it’, as it were, but we have heard nothing about any emotional attachments during his time in the army, beyond Peggy Carter.

We have no first-hand evidence of any supposed USO encounter, and not so much as a saucy look from any of the Star-Spangled Singers at their leading man. The only woman he ever seems to have eyes for is Peggy Carter, and maybe that upstanding guy wouldn’t look beyond the woman he loves – however far away she seems. Where’s the emotional range for someone else to fit in?

In The Winter Soldier and beyond, none of Natasha’s dating schemes obviously bear fruit – and even if Steve is telling the truth about a kiss post-thaw, he never claimed to go further. His encounter with Sharon Carter was similarly snog-based: her remarks in The Falcon & The Winter Soldier suggest that they did not meet again during the two years he spent on the run between Civil War and Endgame to, as it were, seal the deal. His 1940s kiss with Lorraine, too, was arguably not great evidence of a ladies’ man, man’s man, or man-about-town – and again, clearly didn’t go further given Peggy’s disapproving presence.

The Conjecture

Much of this assumes a lack of kink on Steve Rogers’ part, which we perhaps should not do (certainly the fanfic writers don’t), and a high degree of respect for women which is not necessarily a given with men of the 1940s. It also assumes that Steve didn’t have an active sex life pre-serum, which may also be unwarranted. We don’t know much about little Steve, but while he bemoans his lack of success with women at that time, we also know that Bucky effectively played wingman for him and regularly got him dates – so it’s possible that there was some slap and tickle there. And finally, Steve Rogers seems like a smart enough fella to get some experience while he hoped to one day find a way back to Peggy Carter. She is a woman who values competence (as does Steve himself) and surely Steve would set out to acquire some.

The Verdict

While there’s no direct evidence of Steve Rogers rogering, one must give considerable weight to the Hulk’s account of his activities. The Star Spangled Singers seemed like cheerful, outgoing girls who would probably try to cheer up the heartbroken Adonis in their midst in whatever way seemed best to them – and Steve Rogers never seemed like a total monk. He displays a level of ease and assurance in the modern world that speaks of perhaps limited experience, but not none at all. We believe the Hulk, and indeed Rogers himself. It’s official: Captain America fucks. Case closed!

She-Hulk: Attorney At Law is streaming weekly on Thursdays on Disney+