Matt Donato 
Firestarter Fizzles
From the director of my favorite horror movie of 2021 comes Firestarter, an uninspiring remake/Stephen King adaptation that possesses no spark. Keith Thomas’ The Vigil is an extraordinary examination of Jewish demonology; his lifeless Firestarter extinguishes any flames of intrigue that 1984’s hammier version might inspire. Thomas recognizes opportunities to inject more horror in 2022’s reboot, but those efforts are wasted. Scott Teems’ one-dimensional screenplay becomes a chore as Andy and Charlie McGee flee from secret government agencies without the thrill of pursuit. How can a film hinged on bursts of illuminating heat be such a dimly lit, overly darkened representation of lesser choices whenever Teems dares deviate from the already dodgy source inspiration?
Zac Efron steps into the shoes of Andy McGee, a telepath gifted with powers during a U.S. government experimentation program. He, his wife Vicky (Sydney Lemmon) and daughter Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong)—the role made famous by a wee Drew Barrymore—all possess supernatural abilities that must be hidden from “The Shop.” When Charlie experiences an outburst of pyrokinesis at school, Captain Hollister (Gloria Reuben) hires superpowered assassin Rainbird (Michael Greyeyes) to capture the McGees. Andy won’t let his loved ones become test subjects, so they flee, hoping Charlie can contain her powers lest their escape goes up in flames.
It’s an over-the-top premise that original director Mark L. Lester acknowledges with ‘80s exaggerations, which Thomas refuses to indulge. Under Blumhouse’s tightened budget mentality, the louder spectacle pieces of Charlie’s fireball barrages and fiery outbursts swap practical explosions out for lackluster visual effects. Where conspiracies were once fanned and fed, Efron’s Andy delivers lifeless lines with cold sternness, pushing forward without acknowledging his own character’s past actions.
There’s a curious structure to the whole project that introduces characters like Kurtwood Smith’s remorseful research leader (acting like he’s still in the ‘80s), who eventually mean nothing to the grand scheme—a suggestion that there’s more to Andy and Charlie’s journey on a cutting room floor somewhere. At 90 minutes, Firestarter feels rushed and underbaked. There are fewer hordes of agents on Andy’s heels and less time spent on the loving relationship between father and daughter. Teems’ screenplay speaks in broad plot milestones without properly establishing connectivity.
The introduction of Greyeyes’ hired gun adds a bit more danger in life-or-death standoffs but also makes Firestarter less suspenseful overall. A department of many is now an army of one, and although Rainbird is a thoughtful commentary on minorities always selected first for experimental trials, his allegiance is a conflict itself. The killer who escaped, called back by the same organization that once used him. It sounds great on paper, but in practice lacks narrative consciousness. Firestarter sleepwalks through character motivations and underwhelming environments (despite some pastel neon lights and lavender thermal recognition) down to the sterilized industrial compound where The Shop operates. So many scenes play like lurching means to the inevitable end, because who doesn’t love a hopeful sequel tease sendoff?
You can see where Thomas attempts to steer Firestarter into more horrifying territory, but not often enough. Vicky’s sneaking through a supposedly empty house reminds of shadowy claustrophobia in The Vigil; Charlie’s siege opts for something more akin to 2013’s Carrie climax than Barrymore hurling great balls of fire like an action-horror Mario. It’s just not enough to make any tonal difference, as the airless sequences deprive these frightening leanings of the oxygen needed to grow into horrifying infernos. Viewers can’t feel the heat in Thomas’ version, maybe because the production treats its source novel’s fantastical material with a dull seriousness.
Firestarter is a soulless remake of an already iffy Stephen King adaptation that only makes changes for the worse. Lively country hospitality becomes another depressing pitstop, lessons are taught through animal torture and that entire ending—what an exceptionally rough screenplay. Efron and Armstrong are forced to forge a parent-child relationship with generic dialogue that’s made-for-TV, except the kind you’d switch off after 20 minutes because you’ve seen it 12 times already that week. Villainous entities and their commanders suffer even worse fates, made into antagonists merely because they wear suits and pull triggers. It’s a remake that lacks identity, urgency and enthusiasm—such a shame after Keith Thomas’ outstanding horror debut.
Director: Keith Thomas
Writer: Scott Teems
Starring: Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Michael Greyeyes
Release Date: May 13, 2022 (Peacock)
Matt Donato is a Los Angeles-based film critic currently published on SlashFilm, Fangoria, Bloody Disgusting, and anywhere else he’s allowed to spread the gospel of Demon Wind. He is also a member of the Hollywood Critics Association. Definitely don’t feed him after midnight.
Related News & Content
-
How to optimize ‘select found_rows()’ query? Several ‘high load average’ alerts daily
How to optimize 'select found_rows()' query? Several 'high load average' alerts daily,I have 5,000 regular posts, 6,000 posts in one post type and 2,000 posts in another post type. Needless to say, that has made the wp_posts table quite large. Not to mention, I have custom taxonomie... -
How to Use JSON With AJAX?
How to Use JSON With AJAX?,I've defined a PHP callback function to handle the communication between server-side and client-side: function json_render_modal_body() { check_ajax_referer( THEME_PREFIX . '-modals', 'nonce'... -
Filtering context for render_block function
Filtering context for render_block function,I am trying to use render_block within a function called from the WP admin via AJAX The render_block returns null/empty however if I run my function using the wp hook returns the rendered HTML for ... -
How do I hide submenus from the top menu bar?
How do I hide submenus from the top menu bar?,My website is wiki-style and has a lot of pages that should only be reached through links on other pages. Having these all accessible from the top menu bar under their respective headings leads you... -
Register users without confirmation
Register users without confirmation,I'm looking to register users without requiring confirmation of their emails (and even better, no password when they register). Basically, I want them to subscribe their mails using wp registration -
How to use AJAX in wordpress front end?
How to use AJAX in wordpress front end?,I have two inputs in an HTML Widget block on a post. What I need to do: send the inputs (from the html widget) value to AJAX, construct and execute a query, render a table with the results back on ... -
Display posts from Custom Post Type, group by term, arrange term groups and arrange items within groups by menu order
Display posts from Custom Post Type, group by term, arrange term groups and arrange items within groups by menu order,I have a Custom Post Type 'my_cpt' and a custom taxonomy 'types' which has several terms, all of which have posts. I want to do is be able to control both the order of the groups (terms from my cus... -
How do I know if the custom theme is a child theme or a full-custom theme?
How do I know if the custom theme is a child theme or a full-custom theme?,Inherited a custom built WordPress site. How do I know if the theme it uses is a child theme or a full-custom theme? I would like to delete the unused themes for security and to free up space, but ... -
getEntityRecords/useEntityRecords: How to use CPT metadata?
getEntityRecords/useEntityRecords: How to use CPT metadata?,I use getEntityRecords as described in the official data API tutorial (https://learn.wordpress.org/lesson/retrieving-wordpress-data-records/). I.e.: const [searchTerm, setSearchTerm] = useState... -
Carol Kirkwood stuns in figure-hugging dress amid BBC Breakfast technical chaos
Carol Kirkwood stuns in figure-hugging dress amid BBC Breakfast technical chaos,CAROL Kirkwood stunned in a figure-hugging dress amid a technical blunder. BBC Breakfast was flung into chaos this morning after a string of sound issues. However Carol, 61, was all smiles as she p… -
Families ‘to sue prison’ where loud inmates ‘terrorise kids’ with screaming
Families 'to sue prison' where loud inmates 'terrorise kids' with screaming,Residents living next door to a new prison who say their kids have to sleep wearing headphones and some leave during weekends due to the racket are threatening to sue the prison service -
Doctor Strange’s Secret Wars Role May Be More Important Than You Thought – Looper
Doctor Strange's Secret Wars Role May Be More Important Than You Thought - Looper,According to entertainment leaker Alex Perez, Doctor Strange will find himself confronting his inner struggles as he headlines "Avengers: Secret Wars." -
Blondshell and Bully Team Up For New Single “Docket”
Blondshell and Bully Team Up For New Single “Docket”,Blondshell has teamed up with Alicia Bognanno of Bully for the newly released single "Docket." Listen to the track here. -
I’m a clown for not trying Korean beauty secret for glowy skin sooner – don’t worry, I’m not putting cheese on my face
I’m a clown for not trying Korean beauty secret for glowy skin sooner – don’t worry, I’m not putting cheese on my face,A BEAUTY influencer has regrets about not trying out Korean beauty advice for glowy skin sooner. Although the trick can look a little strange at first, she assured viewers that she was not putting … -
‘We are at risk’ – health expert in urgent warning for Irish people over Easter
‘We are at risk’ - health expert in urgent warning for Irish people over Easter,AN URGENT warning has been released to those jetting off over the Easter break. With measles already on the rise, there is an increased risk of a more widespread outbreak in the coming weeks. Trave… -
Black Holes Are Even Weirder Than You Imagined
Black Holes Are Even Weirder Than You Imagined,It’s now thought that they could illuminate fundamental questions in physics, settle questions about Einstein’s theories, and even help explain the universe. -
The odd history of on-hold music
The odd history of on-hold music,We've all been put on hold when we've tried to reach someone. Have you ever thought about the music that plays while you wait? -
‘What Jennifer Did’: Netflix doc explores shocking Ont. murder-for-hire case
'What Jennifer Did': Netflix doc explores shocking Ont. murder-for-hire case,Most of Jennifer Pan's entire life was made up of lies. When her parents began to catch on, she decided to bring in hired hitmen. -
Martin Scorsese to Spearhead Doc Series on Christian Saints for Fox Nation
Martin Scorsese to Spearhead Doc Series on Christian Saints for Fox Nation,Martin Scorsese signed a deal with Fox Nation to host and executive produce an eight-episode docudrama titled 'Martin Scorsese Presents: The Saints.' -
Man Accusing CPAC Chair Matt Schlapp of Sexual Assault Was Paid $480,000: Report
Man Accusing CPAC Chair Matt Schlapp of Sexual Assault Was Paid $480,000: Report,The GOP strategist who accused Matt Schlapp of sexual assault last year reportedly received a hefty financial settlement to drop his lawsuit against the CPAC chairman.
