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Abbott Elementary Recap: Shark Diving

Season 2 Episode 2 Editor’s Rating4 stars ****

Photo: Gilles Mingasson/ABC

The teacher’s lounge at Abbott Elementary has provided some of my favorite scenes and quips from the entire series. It’s where the teachers can interact with each other as adults and catch a moment of downtime in between leading their classrooms. So many quirks and revelations about the main characters are displayed in the lounge, from Melissa’s romance with the vending-machine guy to finding out about Gregory’s very specific eating habits; this is where we get to know Philly’s finest teachers. Tonight’s episode opened in the lounge, and we find out a unique fun fact about Barbara: Abbott’s most veteran teacher has a habit of thinking certain white celebrities are Black. Her dream Black actor to take on the role of Spider-Man? Brian Austin Green, meaning Brian Tyree Henry. Who does she want to listen to after work? Millie Bobby Brown (Bobby Brown). Who is the person she thinks has done the most for Black actors? Tommy Lee Jones (James Earl Jones).

This specific idiosyncrasy of Barbara’s is a moment where Sheryl Lee Ralph shines with her keen ability to deliver lines that remind us of our favorite stern but loving aunties, mothers, and teachers. Her maternal authority is one of the reasons why Gregory is having difficulty breaking the sensitive news that his relationship with her daughter, Taylor, is nearing its expiration date. After meeting Taylor in episode ten of last season and pursuing a relationship with her, Gregory has realized that they’re not compatible. Taylor is the type of woman who enjoys the big-city life, including those trendy “small plates with unique flavors” restaurants. On the other hand, Gregory is the antithesis of the type of person who frequents those restaurants. His experience with Taylor taught him not to shit where he eats and definitely not to shit where his girlfriend’s mother eats. His plan to avoid Barbara is successful until he encounters a problem only Barbara can solve: His classroom is boiling hot, and he can’t remember the specific way Barbara is able to open the windows. He turns to Jacob to help, but Jacob directs him back to Barbara.

When Gregory explains his current predicament, Jacob offers the childish-yet-effective tactic I usually use when wanting to break it off with someone. It may be passive aggressive, but it beats Mr. Johnson’s idea to lie about getting drafted. Jacob tells Gregory to simply peter out of the relationship with dry texts and nonchalant communication until Taylor stops responding. As Jacob said, ghosting is harsh, but petering is gentle. Gregory’s plan to slowly fade away also fails to pan out after he gains clarity from Janine and finally admits to Barbara that his relationship with Taylor has come to an end. To Gregory’s surprise, Barbara has been equally awkward around him because it’s actually Taylor who wants out of the relationship. Another lesson Gregory learns in this episode? If you’re not prepared to date a girl who enjoys small-plate restaurants and the glitz and glam of city life, be prepared to be called a broke boi. At least Barbara was able to get his windows open.

Sticky windows aren’t the only infrastructural problems at Abbott. In addition to the terrible plumbing and less-than-ideal lighting situation of last season, the faculty has resorted to intentionally placing a calendar to hide holes in the wall. Janine suggests using some of the grant to fix the wall, but Barbara reminds her that the rest of the money is being used for much-needed cleaning supplies. At this same time, Ava asks the teachers who ordered a shipment of new social studies books. The books are up-to-date — as up-to-date as public school books can be; they at least covered Brexit, the Flint Water Crisis, and Hamilton. Upon looking at the shipping label, Melissa sees that the books are actually for Addington Elementary, the new charter school that opened down the street from Abbott. Since charter schools are publicly funded but independently run, they can be much less standardized than traditional public schools, which appeals to many parents. And it gives the teachers more room to specialize their classrooms based on the student’s needs, interests, and learning styles — all things Janine, and the rest of the teachers at Abbott, long to do for their students. After realizing the textbooks were intended for Addington, Barbara suggests the teachers take a trip to the charter school during their lunch break to see what the fuss is all about.

Once they enter Addington, they’re met with brightly painted walls, crisp AC, a young version of Mr. Johnson … and a reunion with previous Abbott teacher Tina. For those who don’t remember, Tina is the teacher Gregory replaced after an unfortunate kicking incident in the pilot episode. Tina is visibly less flustered, reaping the benefits of her recent therapy and anger management (and her new job, thanks to the less strict hiring process at the charter school). She gives them a tour of Addington, proudly showing off the thriving students as they learn French and take advantage of their computer lab while also bragging about their pristine plumbing and humane rat-extermination skills. Janine, forever optimistic, does her best to prove that Abbott is just as good as Addington by adding a fresh coat of paint to her classroom, though Ava squashes her efforts. She overhears her students discussing how much better Addington is; one of them says their brother who goes there gets monthly field trips and to Google stuff in the computer lab.

Their conversation reminded me of my own hometown, Akron, Ohio, where our king LeBron James opened the I Promise school in the same neighborhood I grew up in. I Promise isn’t technically a charter school, but enrollment depends on specific criteria on top of a lottery system. When the school first opened, I remember hearing stories about families where one child won the lottery to get into the school, but their sibling didn’t, causing feelings of jealousy and even inadequacy. Imagine being 8 years old and coming home after a long day at an underfunded public school to listen to stories about how your sibling met Justin Timberlake while walking the sparkling halls of LeBron James’s passion project. While schools like I Promise are amazing opportunities for kids who might not get them otherwise, there will always be some students who are left out.

Janine can sense these difficult feelings in her students as they talk about the computer lab in Addington, prompting her to suggest using the grant money for a computer in the library at Abbott. Then Jacob proposes getting plants, Gregory proposes air fresheners, and Melissa and Barbara maintain that cleaning supplies are the smartest idea. Ava decides to put on her very own version of Shark Tank to determine whose idea is the best. To help judge the competition, Ava enlists Mr. Johnson and one of my favorite students at Abbott, Courtney, who Ava calls a young version of herself. Everyone takes the opportunity to pitch an idea in front of the “sharks.” The lunch lady asks for new tongs, cutlery, and hair nets but gets shut down because Ava sees no personal benefit; Mr. Johnson wants the money to become the “007 of janitors,” a.k.a. Agent 409 (LOL); Janine does the absolute most when arguing for the computer. Her passionate presentation gets chosen, but the win is short-lived when a mouse outbreak infests the cafeteria. The mice that were humanely escorted from Addington found a new home in Abbott, forcing them to use the rest of the money on an exterminator.

Thankfully, all hope isn’t lost. To make up for the loss of the computer, with the little money they have left after the extermination Ava arranges for a different idea from their Shark Tank to come to fruition: She gives one of the cafeteria workers seed money to run his water-ice truck on the school grounds. The truck is a hit, giving the Abbott kids street cred and sweet treats. Still moping from Taylor’s rejection, Gregory is the only one not enjoying the truck. To cheer him up, Janine brings him a cup of water ice, inching us a tiny bit closer to a possible and greatly anticipated Janine and Greg kiss.

Teacher’s Notes

• Janelle James is a showstopper; her comedic timing and outrageous responses add so much to the show. Her constant flirting with Gregory is hilarious and makes me want to see an HR person introduced in an episode. That interaction would be comedy gold.

• The kids of Abbott will always put a smile on my face. Give me all the scenes with Courtney. Also, loved the boy who said, “This lady trying to put a positive spin on rats …”

• At first, seeing Melissa’s doppelganger at Addington made me think the charter school is like the tethered version of Abbott, like in the movie Us, but having the teacher be her actual sister was even better. I’m dying to see more of that sibling rivalry.

• The first time I felt the urge to break up with someone, instead of speaking up, I just started acting really strangely until he instead broke up with me. The plan backfired on 20-year-old me; after my ex successfully ended things, he abruptly changed his mind, forcing me to fess up to the fact that I wanted to break up.

• And finally, here’s a roundup of some of my favorite lines from this episode.
Melissa: “You know, in the end of times, it’s just gonna be cockroaches roaming the empty streets and Janine holding a sign that says ‘Turn that frown upside down.’”
Barbara: “Janine, didn’t you get your breathing checked over the summer?”
Ava: “This ain’t A Star Is Born; I’ll shut your tiny ass down.”

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