Fiyin Olowokandi 
Below Deck Mediterranean Season-Finale Recap: Docking for the Season
Season 7 Episode 19 Editor’s Rating4 stars ****
Photo: Bravo The season that never seemed to end is finally over! And it ended not with a bang but with raw pancakes, naked twerking, and baton twirling.
Those damn pancakes. I wish Dominique could have gotten in the kitchen himself to whip up a batch because I am curious about what he considers a high-quality, polished pancake to be. It seems like he’s just picky, which is fine, but I still want to know what he means. And, of course, Dom wasn’t the only passenger giving me pause. Poor Captain Sandy had to sit through dinner with these wacky guests, and the man who slurped a noodle through his nostril decided to give a toast at dinner. He proceeded to recite a dirty version of “Jack and Jill,” and Captain Sandy’s facial reaction — disgust — said it all. She left before dessert was served but not before sharing with the group how she found her way to sea. I wasn’t familiar with Captain Sandy’s past and appreciated getting the opportunity to hear about her journey through the “drug and alcohol merry-go-round” that led to her getting kicked out of 11th grade and working on boats. Talk about work ethic! And, talk about lack thereof — cough, cough, Ellie sleeping in until 11 a.m.!
To be fair, her tardiness didn’t seem like a problem considering nobody woke her up or complained, at least on-camera. And it’s not as if she couldn’t be found. Her alarm was blaring, and I think the flash was even strobing, but she just slept through it. It happens to the best of us.
Before we know it, the guests are disembarking and Captain Sandy is calling the final tip meeting. Natalya’s impersonation of Sandy is sweet, and her impersonation of sandy saying “Wow” is spot-on. The group brought in nearly $200,000 in tips this season, or about $17,000 each. But at what cost?
Yes, we get Dave and Tash drama till the bitter end. Tasha’s ex is still sending Dave direct messages, he confesses he has taken about “70 steps” backward this season, she tells him she can’t even recognize herself anymore … these two! During their final dinner, Captain Sandy asks for everyone’s roses and thorns from the season. Dave vaguely mentions that his thorn was hitting a low point (hmmm, I wonder what) and his rose was feeling supported by his fellow crew members. Tasha shouts out Dave in a sweet way, thanking him for his patience and kindness. I really hope that Tasha stays single for at least a year and that Dave is over her by now. And I really hope this pair never works together again.
Our other couple, Storm and Natalya, share a tender good-bye. I am concerned for Storm during this final night out. Maybe he was just drunk, but he seems to get really upset that nobody wanted to join him jumping naked in the river. He’s up in arms about looking like an idiot in front of Natalya. Babe, you’re just drunk. It’s no big deal. He admits he’ll probably miss her more than she misses him, and he’s right. Natalya notes that she doesn’t know what she wants, but she knows Storm isn’t her person. This is correct.
Kyle, of course, returns for the last hurrah and almost breaks that damn ankle of his again. Is anyone surprised? I also wonder what happened with him and Frank. I’d look it up myself, but I’m already bored.
Courtney seems to be genuinely appreciative of her season and thanks the team for welcoming her as a female deckie. I am rooting for Courtney and hope to see her again. I am also rooting for Mzi, who thoughtfully discusses his own growth and shares his hopes of becoming a bosun. I love their friendship. It’s genuine and silly and makes for great TV amid the nightmare that was Tasha and Dave.
I also want to take a moment and note the girls’ cab (plus Kyle) versus that of the boys. The boys are talking, guys being guys, meanwhile the other car is going full-blown Girls Gone Wild, which is only a hint of what’s to come when the crew is back onboard with the stripper pole and Natasha breaks out her baton. It’s definitely the rowdiest we’ve seen the group yet, and I love how Captain Sandy literally fled dinner early. She does not want to deal with these messy asses, and who among us would?
Lucky for everyone, we won’t have to be involved with any of them for at least nine more months, maybe more. We’re docked for the season! We’ve made it! Cheers to us all!
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