Southern Hospitality Recap: One Fish, Two Fish, Drunk Fish, Who?? Fish

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Southern Hospitality Recap: One Fish, Two Fish, Drunk Fish, Who?? Fish

Season 1 Episode 2 Editor’s Rating2 stars **

Photo: Jeff Gentner/Bravo I trust Bravo [Dorit Kemsley voice] im-pli-cit-ly — meaning I’m trying my absolute damnedest not to question Southern Hospitality’s choices yet. For now, I trust that there is a reason the cast is mostly in their 20s but dress and style themselves like they’re former TikTok influencers in their mid-40s. I trust the decision to show us actual vomit on the floor this week. I even trust the attempt to replicate the magic of the Vanderpump Rules theme song with whatever the hell that was (“I knooooow / A place where we can gooooooo” just doesn’t have the same ring as “These are the best days of our liiiiiiiives“) last night, because I know it’ll be worming its way around my brain for the next week.

I trust Bravo, because it has proven itself for more than a decade. I trust it, because I know that duds and misfires are the exception to the rule. And this week, I trust it because it has clearly found a Southern Hospitality breakout star in Mikel (whom the cast seems to hate, who gets put through the ringer in this episode, and whom I have come to love very much in just two episodes).

However, in the now-immortal words of Fetty Wap (and Masego before him), “Can I get to the yams?” While a new series certainly needs to do a lot of exposition and foundation-building in early episodes, “Clocking In … Coming Out” messily splits the difference. A too-large chunk of the episode gave me narrative whiplash, ping into story lines that predate the show, asking too much of the audience in terms of A) giving a shit and B) being able to follow all the threads of who hates whom and why, then, ultimately, refer to point A again. I want to care about these people. I think there’s promise there. Southern Hospitality feels — even if some of the cast was, well, (allegedly) cast for the show — like it’s rooted in real(ish) relationships with real(ish) feelings, which are the cornerstones of a good reality series. But we have to get to know our players first. So far, there’s a lot of telling and not enough showing. You have to build the fire before the flames can scorch the rope (Survivor heads, that one is for you).

This week, half of the episode is dedicated to Mikel’s titular coming out. Tasked by Leva to barback (get your minds out of the gutter) to earn his way back into Republic after being unceremoniously introduced to us last week as a traitor who’d been suspended for booking a party for another club, Mikel gets a taste of the hospitality hard-knock life, hosing down chunky vomit on the patio and getting drinks sloshed on him as he restocks the bar.

Although some would say that it’s a little early to be showing feet on main, Mikel and Maddi head off for pedicures, where they discuss Mikel’s self-described Hannah Montana life as the closeted child of two pastors who call him “Michael” rather than “Muh-kel.” By episode’s end, he’s coming out to Anthony, his church brother. “I like men, but I like women at the same time,” he says between sips of an extra-strong margarita. Anthony takes it well and tells him he’ll always be like family to him. As a queer person myself, my heart is warmed, even if I worry the scene reads like it only took place because cameras were up. “My brother still loves me despite who I love,” Mikel tells us. This man is doing the work!

And that’s genuinely the extent of our plot for the week. Sure, other stuff happens — like the reemergence of Maddi’s ex-boyfriend Trevor, who was introduced as a cheating bad boy in the series premiere. This week, we learn that he’s a pedicab driver whom Maddi’s employees once burned cigarettes on (??) after their tumultuous breakup. Not to knock the hustle, but Maddi, you’re a reality star now. You can trade up. I’m pretty sure that’s in the preface to the handbook.

Meanwhile, VIP concierge Grace Lilly, an aspiring SHEIN ambassador, starts the episode quoting a Cracker Barrel “live laugh love” throw pillow in the mirror to herself. Later, to Leva, she rattles off a litany of excuses for her failure to properly concierge VIP-ly. Then we learn she calls herself “G-Lilly” (which she occasionally pronounces as, simply, Juhlilly — unfortunately the worst and best combination of syllables I’ve ever heard spoken aloud. Juhlilly. Juh-lil-ly.). During a mid-episode fitness session (will we get one every episode? Seems likely!), Bradley calls Juhlilly an acquired taste, though I’m not sure anyone in the cast — Leva included — has totally acquired that taste yet. At least Juhlilly will always have admirers in her “list of guys I hooked up with” that she keeps in her phone. (Queen LiLo beat her to the punch almost a decade ago for those who forgot about that moment in the pop-culture pantheon).

We get a comparatively strong showing from TJ this week, who says on the record, cross his heart and hope to die, that he will not talk to Juhlilly, the viral AI filter come to life — only for the editors to do him dirty seconds later when Juhlilly approaches and asks for a one-on-one. It immediately turns into a discussion of who posts what on social media and why that is or isn’t fair game to comment on and critique — including, and I really am just quoting TJ here, “Maddi’s butthole is in her pants. Yours is on Instagram.” That is a solid read! Juhlilly’s comeback, via confessional, is about how TJ serves drinks “and they’re not even that good.” Babe … close! But that’s mostly a Republic drag. Let’s sharpen those claws a little more next time. We all know your boss is watching this program!

There’s a perfectly fun (if entirely inessential) scene with Emmy and Mia, when Mia gives us this gem: “I like men that are obsessed with me.” We learn that Emmy dumped baby-face Will in September 2021, but he pursued her hard for months with handwritten cards and diamond earrings, which led to their eventual reconciliation. I get a feeling that’s not the last we’ll hear about the break they took! Mia ends by telling Emmy that she has a new Instagram crush, an OnlyFans creator from Hawaii, who once had a subscriber ask him to fuck a cake. There’s truly something out there for everyone, and I think that’s just great!

Sure, more might’ve happened, but if it did, it was so boring that my eyes rolled back into my head and refused to absorb it. Last week was promising. This episode felt … less so. But there’s hope still! Next week, a drink gets hurled, and I pray it activates some of the show’s sleepier castmates. For now, my trust remains gently intact.

Leva Leftovers

• I loved learning that Leva has a condo on King Street mere steps from Republic. This woman is ready! to! film! I am living for her glam this season. We love a glow-up, and Leva is delivering that and more.

• During a day-drinking scene, Mia tells us, “When we’re not working together at Republic, we’re drinking together at Republic.” Don’t do this! Don’t shit where you eat! Or perhaps more in Mia’s parlance: Don’t eat the cake you just fucked!

• Whenever anyone in the cast talks about Republic and what the club offers, it feels as scripted and wooden as The Price Is Right announcer telling contestants about a two-night, one-day Showcase Showdown prize trip to Niagara Falls. I get that this entire thing is just a Republic plug, but we can aspire to do better than a cold read, folks.

• The episode’s big cast excursion is to a go-kart course and arcade — and blessedly not the network’s umpteenth rage-room visit. If we can just avoid a Gatsby-themed party, we’re truly off to the races here, but based on the trailer for next week’s episode, I’m not holding my breath.

• Joe Bradley is 90 percent arms, hair, and teeth. We should all be so lucky!

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