Rebecca Alter 
I Ate All the Lyrics of Harry’s House
I like Harry Styles, as far as celebrities go. We can do a lot worse. Styles is affable in the press, he’s hot, and he’s an item with Olivia Wilde in a very sexy boy–actor girl–director relationship (one of my favorite kinds of relationship). Does he desperately need to watch this video by comedian Caleb Hearon? Yes, it would clear up a lot of annoyance. Other than being all ambiguous for clout, Styles seems cool. His solo music, however, has never moved me. Where One Direction achieved, in my mind, the best possible version of their chosen genre (boy-band pop), Styles’s attempts at funk are lacking and sound to me more than a little like easy-listening music. And that’s okay! Easy-listening music is good. Enya lives in a castle for a reason (the reason being that Orinoco cash flow, baybee). Styles’s solo work is, to borrow a phrase more commonly associated with a different ex of Taylor Swift, perfectly fine. Harry Styles’s third solo album, Harry’s House, debuted last week, and it’s really quite nice. The pop tracks are alternatingly playful and dreamy, all swirling around the album’s halfway point–slash–high point, the lovely ballad “Matilda.” As I’ve listened, though, I’ve noticed something:
My guy has a lot of lyrics about food. Drinks too. Drugs also. Those second two things are pretty expected in rock or pop songwriting, but lyrics about food run the risk of being more silly than sexy. The tracks on Harry’s House go both ways. They’re entwined in vignettes of dates, late nights, and early kitchen-counter mornings with a love interest. I’m single, and I’ve been single for one million years, and want to judge these lyrics on their merits. To do so, I ate and drank my way through every food and beverage reference on the album, treating myself the way Styles treats whoever it is he’s singing about, which is probably Wilde. I’m just sticking to those and not the lyrics about gummies, coke, and pills, because apparently it’s against company policy to expense drugs. In the sensual spirit of Harry’s House, let’s rate the album based on how it tastes.
“Music for a Sushi Restaurant”
Remember what they took from you.Photo: Rebecca Alter
Also learned how to use a moka pot to honor the lyric “moka pot Monday.” I do not trust people whose coffee tool of choice is this. Mug choice is a nod to Harry being the sexy green M&M of One Direction.
Despite that and the hash-brown lack, thumbs up.
In Conclusion …
Why did I do this? Don’t do this.
Related
- Harry Styles, Work in Progress
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