Sabrina was CONSTANTLY making the wrong decision on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. You know who would have made the right (or at least less infuriating) decisions? AMBROSE. He was far more interesting, intelligent, and funny, and it felt like he was constantly sidelined. Maybe I’m biased because I have a thing for Chance Perdomo, but I feel like the show would’ve been much better with him as the lead.

What was Elliot’s purpose??? All he did was force the characters to act out-of-character. I still think it’s out of character for Jules to have slept with him, and I’m even more pissed about the fact that he KNEW about Rue’s plan to sell drugs and let Jules and Rue’s mom flush them down the toilet — and then acted like Rue owed HIM an apology! He’s such a hypocrite and continued to enable Rue while letting her go down for losing tens of thousands of dollars in drugs, and THEN, he reveals her drug use to her girlfriend and sleeps with her. And to top it all off, we have to spend, like, a full five minutes listening to him sing in the middle of a perfectly good, juicy episode. Goodbye, Elliot!!!! You infuriate me.

Look, I’ll be the first to say it: I thoroughly enjoyed Teen Wolf, and I believe it was supposed to be bad and campy. But it 100% would not have lasted as long if it didn’t have Dylan O’Brien adding humor and realism. And not only Dylan, but Stiles — the best writing on that show was given to him, and it provided an emotional depth to the show that wouldn’t have otherwise been there (small shoutout, btw, to Linden Ashby, who wasn’t a breakout star by any means but held his own in some of Stiles’/Dylan’s most heart-wrenching scenes). When Stiles left for the last half-season and the movie, Teen Wolf had just completely lost its magic — instead of being camp, it was just bad.

They wanted us to root for Jack so bad, but I ended up throwing up my hands and going “ugh” every time he was onscreen. He always made bad choices, and yet the series acted like he was the moral compass of the show. He was so whiney, entitled, and annoying, and he was constantly crying. The other characters were FAR more interesting, so it was disappointing to see them continuously shortchanged in order to get Jack at the heart of the action instead.

Okay, maybe calling iCarly bad is a stretch. It was an acceptable tween sitcom, I suppose (not to shortchange that genre, which actually has had amazing programs like Boy Meets World). But Spencer was leagues more interesting than anyone on that show, and being an adult character, it felt like it just as easily could’ve been an adult sitcom with him as the main character, and the kids as side characters instead of the other way around. Even as a teenager watching this show, I mostly watched it for Spencer — Jerry Trainor has impeccable physical comedy, and I still think he deserves a better show than iCarly.

Before you kill me, I’m specifically talking about the version of Ben in Season 3 in the alternate timeline. He basically just existed to ruin Ben’s character from the past two seasons, and he was overall just a whiney, insecure dick with no redeeming qualities. I hated whenever he was onscreen, and I found myself wishing they’d just let Ben die and not bring him back. The other Sparrows were far more interesting, and deserved the focus Ben got.

Lauren’s dialogue sounds like it should be on Glee, and I fully believe she could’ve carried her own on that show. I do tend to love the sassy mean girl character who ends up having a heart of gold, and I feel like Faking It simply didn’t showcase her enough — in part because it was canceled before she could go through her whole arc. Also, Lauren was the first intersex character on a teen drama that I know of, and I think that representation deserved…well, more representation.

I’ll never forget the point in one episode where we see Riley’s dorm room literally just has a poster that says “balls” and then has some sketches of a few different types of balls (basketballs, tennis balls, etc.). That just perfectly summed up his character for me: BORING. He was also so insecure and found a way to blame his own insecurities on Buffy, when really he couldn’t be with a woman who was more capable than he was. He overstayed his welcome for FAR too long, and I was honestly just so relieved when he left.

Joe was the heart and SOUL of this show, as much as Barry acted like he was. I may be slightly biased because I’ve loved Jesse L. Martin since Rent, but he just genuinely brings such a strong, compassionate energy to his character that the only scenes I’m ever interested in rewatching are with him. Barry just becomes harder and harder to sympathize with as the seasons go on, and I honestly think half the reason we still care about Barry and root for him is because Joe does. 

In a cast of such great, interesting characters, he’s just a bit of a dud. I also hate that he was taking creepy photos of Nancy, and then, they ended up together — it just sends a bad message. I feel like Jonathan could’ve been a really great character as this outsider with a missing brother he was really close to, but he was just kind of a creep, and I keep wondering why he’s still around and why Nancy is dating him. He gets a *tiny* bonus for his nice scene with Will last season, where he FINALLY remembers he has a traumatized little brother, but 99% of the time, I feel like his character is uninteresting.

Mona is the ultimate criminal mastermind, and she was one of the best parts of later seasons. I truly believe they originally wanted to kill her for good, then realized the show was boring without her. Honestly, her character stagnated in the end because it felt like the writers weren’t as smart as Mona was supposed to be — and while a spinoff starring Mona was a fun idea, I feel like the writing really just didn’t do her justice. 

The Haunting of Hill House is genuinely one of my favorite shows of all time, and part of that is because of all the really strong (yet flawed) characters. But Steve…ugh, Steve. He’s the least interesting and the least relatable, and I feel like the first episode actually ends up being one of the worst just because it focuses around Steve. He’s a very nothing character. As the oldest Crain child, his being old enough to actually remember things that went down should make him interesting to watch, but instead, his denial just makes him annoying.

This show started out so strong — putting this cynic with abandonment issues into a fairytale world that’s been messed up to deal with her (in her mind) delusional son. But essentially finishing this premise at the end of Season 1 really made the show lose its tension (side note: If you haven’t seen the show, I highly recommend watching just Season 1; it actually wraps up pretty nicely). How did the show go on for so many more seasons, you say? Emma. Emma continued to be interesting and provide a contrast to the other characters, and it felt like her plot lines actually moved forward rather than in circles. Beyond that, the other characters were made more interesting by interacting with her — I frankly was not a Regina fan, but the continued tension between those two characters was at least interesting to watch. Henry, Charming, Snow, Rumple, Belle, etc. just felt tired by mid-Season 2 (Regina took a little longer), but Emma pulled them through another few seasons (with the help of a few strong character additions, like Killian). 

I mean, do we have to say it? We already know. All the Friends are flawed, and certainly have their problematic aspects, but at least, I can understand why people want to hang out with them. With Ross…I genuinely don’t understand. The fact that they made this great love story between Ross and Rachel felt like it shortchanged Rachel and really held her back as a character. This is nothing against David Schwimmer, who was great in the role. But rewatching it in a modern lens, he’s the character I cringe the most at — which would be fine if this was The Office, but this is Friends, and the point isn’t to point and go “lol, look how problematic and insufferable he is!” You’re supposed to laugh at them, not with them. 

You know what, maybe it’s just because I was an adult when I started the train wreck that is Riverdale (and was finding it hard to relate to teenagers), but I was always a huge fan of FP. He was a genuinely interesting character that I actually wanted to root for, and I was invested in his love story with Alice (who was a fun character until the cult stuff, which made her infuriating). It’s strange that a gang leader (with gang members named things like “Sweet Pea”) could actually bring realism to a show, but Riverdale was so utterly over the top that he actually did. I easily could see FP as a character on, like…The Walking Dead in a different world. Also…Skeet Ulrich is a daddy, and I’m not afraid to say it.