EastEnders, review: was Prince Charles and Camilla's visit to Walford their weirdest ever walkabout?

An admirable Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall proved they were dab hands at small talk – no matter how bizarre the conversation

If members of the Royal family believe the world smells of fresh paint, perhaps they also think ordinary mortals exist in a state of mild hysteria. A special episode of EastEnders recreated a royal visit to Walford, and it was impossible to tell who was more flustered, the characters or the actors themselves.

The Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall gamely appeared in the show, playing themselves. They acquitted themselves admirably, despite the bizarreness of the premise: they were introduced to a series of fictional characters and asked to engage with them accordingly.

Surreal episodes of soap operas tend to depart from the earthly realm. Think of Bobby Ewing stepping out of the shower in Dallas, thereby revealing the entire previous season to have been a figment of his wife’s imagination, or the Neighbours dream sequence in which Bouncer the Labrador imagined his white wedding to a border collie. But EastEnders might be the strangest one yet, while staying firmly rooted in Albert Square, for the way in which it melded fantasy and reality.

The cast were playing starstruck residents but they were also starstruck in real life, while also appearing paralysed with nerves at having to improvise dialogue with the heir to the throne (this was one-take television, and the actors had no idea what the royals would say to them). It was a toe-curling watch, and the only actors behaving normally were Rudolph Walker as Patrick Trueman, because he is an old pro, and Danny Dyer as Queen Vic landlord Mick Carter, because he is a man who cannot be fazed by anything (and, lest we forget or have never seen that particular edition of Who Do You Think You Are?, he is a descendant of both Edward III and Thomas Cromwell).

The Duchess of Cornwall, Prince of Wales, Kellie Bright and Danny DyerCredit: BBC

The actor playing Martin Fowler burbled that everything on his fruit and veg stall was organic. The actress playing Stacey Slater blurted out: “I’ve got a food van, sorry if I smell of onions!” Another character said: “I’m speechless, we were expecting Trevor Brooking.” Perhaps this is how people really do speak in the presence of royalty, and that explains why the Prince and Duchess took it all in their stride. If nothing else, the episode revealed how skilled they are at small talk because they had a polite and smiling response to absolutely everything, no matter how random.

A young man told the Prince that he was “a graduate of the Prince’s Trust” and had met him 10 years ago. I had no idea if this was the actor or the character talking (I checked later, and it was the character) and I’m not sure the Prince did either, but he chatted away with practised ease. A meet-and-greet with someone dressed as a Beefeater and another dolled up like Ziggy Stardust looks odd for EastEnders, but is probably par for the course on a royal visit.

There were some extraneous bits of plot that involved Sharon locking Janine out of the pub, and Sonia being mad at Brian Conley, but in the spirit of total honesty I must confess that I haven’t properly watched EastEnders since Arthur stole the Christmas club money, so hadn’t the foggiest what any of this was about.

All I can confidently tell you is that Charles and Camilla are masters of this stuff, and that Gillian Taylforth doesn’t appear to have aged a day since 1987.