'I went to London's first sex restaurant and they put a huge dildo in my pasta'

'I went to London's first sex restaurant and they put a huge dildo in my pasta',Daily Star reporter Layla Nicholson headed down to London's first sex restaurant Naked Soho to get a taste of their rather raunchy menu – and there was genitalia everywhere...

‘I went to London’s first sex restaurant and they put a huge dildo in my pasta’

If I told you that my spaghetti bolognese had a pair of testicles on it you'd most probably think I was on I'm A Celeb.

But, you'd be wrong.

Instead of setting up camp alongside Ant and Dec and chowing down on b*llocks in South Africa, I was dining at London's first sex themed restaurant.

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Naked Soho opened its doors and shut its curtains in July of last year.

So we felt it was about time to get a taste of the saucy restaurant ourselves.

It's not difficult to figure out where the venue is thanks to the tinted windows, the sensitive content warning and the fact is calls itself a 'sexy café' on the sign.

Naked Soho exterior — What lies behind the blurred windows and netted curtains… (Image: Layla Nicholson)

This was probably a good idea given the potentially sticky nature of its contents.

I opted for the – *ahem * – 'F*** me Fridays' deal, which includes a main and cocktail for £15.

This included 'A Bit of Foreplay' meat platter and 'Tossing Salads' including the aptly-named 'Cock-prese Salad'.

The main meals were titled 'The Climax'.

The course options featured mainly Italian dishes with playful nods to the theme – with prices ranging from £11.50 to £18.90.

Layla Nicholson holding cocktail with massive gold penis in background — Come here often, love? (Image: Layla Nicholson)

vagina mirror — Vagina vagina on the wall… (Image: Layla Nicholson)

What caught my eye was the 'Authentic Pasta Bolognese' – mainly due to the fact they missed a gag with not including a testicular-themed pun.

'Nipple clamps', 'Goddess of Sex' and 'The Blue Viagra' were some of the more tame names on the cocktail list.

After much deliberation, I ended up going with the rum and Prosecco based 'Screaming Orgasm', which came in a glass shaped in the silhouette of a buxom babe.

I then pardoned myself from the table and the company that I held – a massive golden penis – and had a wander around the empty restaurant.

The attention to detail was vast.

Getting naked in the restaurant is not advised however… (Image: Layla Nicholson)

Layla and pasta — Smile! (Image: Layla Nicholson)

Nothing says 'sex restaurant' like decorative vases with moulds of vaginas imprinted on them and obnoxious neon lights instructing to lick things.

It was difficult to get away from the moulds of vaginas and penises of all sizes hung for all to see.

And there was a mirror in the shape of vulva paired with embroidery of kinky sex acts above the seating areas.

Even the table legs appeared phallic in shape – but maybe that's just my gutter brain.

But, it's hard to not to assume everything is sexual considering it looks like a sex shop spewed its guts all over the place.

Enough genitalia watching for now as my food was served after a speedy 15 minutes.

And boy was it big – I'm speaking about the portion and the fella nestled in the middle.

spaghetti with penis — The only time it is acceptable to have a cheesy tip (Image: Layla Nicholson)

penis plate and pasta — Who needs fine dining, eh? (Image: Layla Nicholson)

The pasta was enjoyable but difficult to consume when there's a huge dildo looking back at you.

The spaghetti bolognese was nicely washed down with a Screaming Orgasm cocktail, which I sipped on while being gawped at by tourists.

Did I have room for dessert? Probably not.

But I did have a nagging intrigue of what the 'Eat a D*ck!' entailed.

Listed under the naughty desserts' – or 'Happy Endings' as Naked Soho put it – the schlong-inspired dessert was definitely intriguing.

"Our signature di*k-shaped waffle that comes with a show you will not want to miss. Trust us, just f***ing do it!" the copy on the menu described.

For £8 I went ahead with the supposed 'show'.

penis waffle — What a way to finish a meal… (Image: Layla Nicholson)

Layla Nicholson and penis waffle — You look familiar… (Image: Layla Nicholson)

The performance turned out to be a stodgy penis shaped waffle drizzled in chocolate sauce and a lacklustre dollop of squirty cream to accompany the tip.

As the friendly waitress-cum-bartender-cum-front of house staff took away the plate, she informed me that the genitalia decorations and crockery are real moulds of people's bits and bobs.

So I'd be scared to find out who was the owner of our golden boy…

Overall, if I were to rate Naked Soho in line with sexual experiences I'd most likely compare it to a one night stand.

Something to do on a whim – as while the gimmick of it is fun, I would most likely not to do it again.

bar with sex toys — The bar took the theme very seriously (Image: Layla Nicholson)

Layla Nicholson and willy — He's behind you! (Image: Layla Nicholson)

Naked Soho would surely be a hit with hens as the venue appears to liven up for their bottomless brunch – 'Sexy Sundays'.

Or the restaurant could be suited for those looking for a bit of camp fun on a trip to London.

But, I doubt frequenting to eat d*ck for lunch would be on anyone's daily timetable.

However, I'm willing to be proved wrong.

Naked Soho is open seven days a week. The restaurant states that alcoholic beverages can only be ordered alongside food and they even cater to private events.

Their website can be found here.