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Below Deck Down Under Recap: Red Flags Everywhere

Season 2 Episode 5 Editor’s Rating5 stars *****

Photo: Bravo Down Under saw Sailing Yacht give us a dramatic love triangle and said, “Hold my beer!” As Aesha says, we’re witnessing a love pentagon take shape. At the center of it is Luke, who’s involved in a love triangle with Margot, who sort of likes Harry, and Laura, who’s interested in Adam. There’s also a budding romance between the CEO and cheffy, which is exciting. It’s all turning into a huge mess, and I’m here for it!

After Luke and Laura finish their makeout sesh, he tells Margot that he doesn’t want to cause any confusion. Then they head to the secluded restroom area where he apologizes for putting her in that situation and Margot says that she likes Harry but doesn’t want to be attached at the hip with him. Poor Harry, who’s sitting at a table expressing how much he likes Margot. Then Luke and Margot kiss — feign your surprise. The fact that she’s falling for his bullshit after literally witnessing him kiss Laura with her own two eyes is a mystery to me. He’s not worth it!!

Everyone then heads back to the boat to continue the party in the jacuzzi. While Margot’s hanging out in the crew mess with Harry, Laura, who thinks she’s the chosen one, goes to Luke’s cabin and tells him she’ll “make your jacuzzi warm,” which made me cringe. Then they make out some more, which Margot walks in on. Meanwhile, Culver FaceTimes his mom and introduces her to Tzarina, who says, “Explain your son to me before I fall in love.” Culver and Tzarina have been flirty all night — their chemistry’s evident — and they share a quick kiss later in the evening. I’m here for a romance between them, but I hope it doesn’t turn out like Culver’s season-one boatmance with Brittini.

Laura interrupts a game of truth or dare in the hot tub because she wants Luke to help her look for her phone. They head downstairs, and soon enough they’re, presumably, boning in the shower. Aesha, queen of eavesdropping, gives us her insight: “I hate shower sex, you can’t get proper friction going. Why bother?” I love her so much. Margot expresses that she feels like an idiot for pursuing Luke. Then stop!! Surely she’s smart enough to know that he’s the type of guy who doesn’t care about a woman’s feelings.

When Luke heads to bed, Laura decides to join him. Luke’s flabbergasted because he thought it was just a hook-up. I mean, Laura told us she isn’t playing around because she wants to get wifed up. Meanwhile in the crew mess, Margot and Harry, both shitfaced, eat ramen and talk about how personality and genuine feelings are more important than looks (a.k.a. what Luke goes for). Then they kiss! It’s sweet, and I sort of love them together. However, I feel like Harry is collateral damage in her situationship with Luke and will ultimately get his heart broken.

The next morning, Laura tells us that she gets what she wants because she’s a Taurus. As a Taurus, I think I speak for everyone when I say we don’t claim her. While helping Luke fold his clothes and clean his cabin, Laura tells him, “I’m your girlfriend.” She claims it’s a joke, but it’s the moment that Luke realizes the severity of what he just got himself into. Laura is a stage-five clinger, and she strikes me as someone who doesn’t take rejection well.

Out on deck, Luke tells the boys that the teak looks “filthy” because — surprise, surprise — Adam failed to properly wash it again. Harry says that Adam’s approach to the job is unfair to the rest of the crew, and I agree. He willingly accepted this position as someone with the least yachting experience, so it’s annoying that he thinks he’s above it all. However, I do also feel bad for him since he may be experiencing culture shock, especially having come from a different background than most of the crew.

At the preference-sheet meeting, we learn that our primaries are Rene Ramirez and his wife Sandra, who are being joined by their friends and employees. The preference sheet lists a handful of dietary restrictions for several guests, including no red meat, pork, wheat, and dairy. This is a true test of Tzarina’s abilities, and she’s got her work cut out for her.

Let’s take a moment to talk about Laura’s behavior this morning. When she woke up, she had a beer, and then she’s shown having a glass of wine shortly after. For someone who prides herself on being a perfect worker, drinking on the job isn’t a good look for Laura. It’s a fireable offense, and she’s just lucky that Margot hasn’t told anyone else.

In the galley, Luke tells Aesha that the previous night was a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation, and Laura overhears them talking about her. Luke tries to fix the situation by saying that he doesn’t want to lead her and Margot on. He adds that he doesn’t want to get involved in the drama, even though he’s literally the person at the center of it! My hatred for him grows the more I hear him speak. Margot walks in on this chat and becomes annoyed with him because he’s a walking red flag. And yet, she clearly continues to have feelings for him.

The guests finally arrive, and they seem like a fun bunch. Rene tells Aesha to let him know if they get too wild, and Aesha jokes that “the more fucked up you get, the better because it’s more entertaining for me.” They’re the type of charter guests who are happy as long as they have a drink in their hands, and it can’t get better than that.

Meanwhile, Laura always finds something to nitpick, and this time she’s chosen to criticize Aesha for using store-bought lime juice for margaritas as opposed to squeezing fresh limes. Aesha says she does it to save time, but Laura argues that it doesn’t taste the same. As if those drunk guests are going to taste the difference. Maybe instead of taking several hours to get ready, she can cut and juice the limes herself.

After a sushi lunch, the guests go snorkeling despite the rainy weather. Adam is annoyed that Luke tasks him with organizing the deckhand garage because he once again thinks it’s beneath him. I don’t get why he’s complaining, especially when he’s afraid of water and apparently can’t swim and therefore probably wouldn’t even enjoy the snorkeling.

When they return, Luke tells Margot that he wasn’t “100 percent down” with what happened with Laura and didn’t expect to be taken down to his cabin, even though he was the one who suggested they go into the shower. Margot tells us that after hearing this, she doesn’t have a crush on Luke and that he isn’t her type. It mostly just sounds like she’s trying to convince herself that she doesn’t like him when she obviously does. When Laura joins them, Luke tells her that she should “get around” with the other guys. Although I’m not Laura’s biggest fan, his comment was gross and disrespectful.

Then, Margot tells Aesha about her and Harry’s kiss, admitting that it “felt really nice” and that she might like him. Honestly, I have the feeling that Margot is only going for Harry because Luke is a player who isn’t giving her his unpided attention. Meanwhile, Laura, feeling rejected by Luke, decides to pursue Adam again. She asks him if her kissing Luke changed his perception of her, and Adam says no because he just wants to be friends with everyone. Laura asks if he kisses his friends, and Adam’s like, “Why are you asking me all these questions?” He’s clearly annoyed and has made it clear that he isn’t romantically interested in her. And yet, Laura shares in a confessional that Adam acting like a “dick” just turns her on and makes her want to chase him even more.

For Rene’s birthday dinner, Tzarina’s stressed about the dietary restrictions, specifically those of guest Janae. She decides to serve her dishes that are different from everyone else, which unfortunately backfires. For the starter, Tzarina makes lamb with jalapeño poppers, and Janae gets a tuna tartare tostada. Several of the guests tell Aesha that they won’t eat the lamb since, like they stated on their preference sheets, they don’t eat red meat and ask if they can have what Janae’s having. Aesha breaks the news to Tzarina, who was so focused on Janae that she forgot about everyone else’s restrictions. What’s worse is that she doesn’t have more tostadas, so instead she serves them sad-looking plates of a single jalapeño popper. This probably could’ve been avoided if she had chosen to make everyone fish or chicken. Aesha thinks it’s unprofessional and that Tzarina should’ve had a backup plan, and while I’ve loved her so far, I agree that this was a huge misstep on her part. She may not have deserved the disco helmet last charter, but she sure as hell does now.

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