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Below Deck Down Under Recap: Wrecking Ball

Season 2 Episode 10 Editor’s Rating4 stars ****

Photo: Bravo It’s safe to say that Tzarina isn’t handling Culver and Jaimee’s makeout session very well. I mean, who can blame her? She has a right to feel upset, especially since they rubbed it in her face despite knowing that she’s been crushing on — and flirting with — Culver ever since he joined the crew. Culver’s behavior has sucked lately; I hope Tzarina lets him starve!

Culver and Jaimee are still putting their tongues down each other’s throats at the bar when the episode begins. Throughout the night, the thought of Tzarina being unhappy with Culver and Jaimee looms over them, but they ultimately can’t keep their hands off each other. Tzarina’s so pissed that she vents to João, who tells her that Culver’s a selfish dick who doesn’t deserve a girl like her, and I fully agree.

When they return to the boat, Tzarina shoves Culver, who later tells Jaimee that he doesn’t want to cause drama. It’s too late for that, buddy! Jaimee decides to join Culver in the shower, where they bang for over an hour. In between the sexual noises coming out of the bathroom, we again hear Jaimee mention how Tzarina’s going to “kill” her. Do they get off on constantly mentioning how she’ll hate them for hooking up? I highly doubt their relationship will last long if they keep talking about Tzarina at every possible moment.

Meanwhile, in the crew mess, Margot admits to Adam that she only likes Harry as a friend, and he encourages her to be honest with Harry immediately. She’s hesitant to go to his room because she thinks Harry will interpret it as her wanting to kiss him, but eventually works up the courage. She asks him if he’s looking for a serious relationship, and Harry responds that he’s open to anything. Instead of finally shutting him down, though, Margot just agrees and tells him that she’s also looking to have fun. Girl, be serious. Wanting to have fun and go with the flow is not the same as telling someone you don’t like them romantically. They end up cuddling in bed, bringing Margot back to square one all because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, never mind that stringing him along will hurt far more than if she were just up-front about wanting to remain friends.

The next morning, Tzarina tells Aesha that she’s mad at Jaimee for breaking girl code, so she spends the rest of the day giving her the cold shoulder. In a confessional, Jaimee says she never intends on making anyone mad but that “all bets are off” when it comes to having a crush, which tells me she’s used to carelessly stepping on people’s toes. Aesha describes Jaimee as a “wrecking ball” who has already created tension with Tzarina, which is great for us since Jaimee is a perfect shit-stirring addition to the crew, but not for Aesha, who desperately wants a drama-less interior. Later in the galley, Jaimee tries to hug and apologize to Tzarina, who brushes her off and tells her not to touch her. Tzarina compares this situation to high school, where Culver’s the jock, Jaimee’s the popular cheerleader, and she’s the weirdo. I wish Tzarina had more self-confidence since she’s stunning and a gem, but Culver doesn’t deserve her anyway.

Before the next charter guests arrive, João meets with the deck crew to tell them he’s aware of the complaints about him. He adds that he understands his late arrival in the season has disrupted their flow but wants the deckies to be completely honest with him whenever there’s an issue so that it can be resolved. All personal flaws aside, I must admit that João’s been doing well as a leader for the deckhands so far, and it’s clear that this discussion has helped them see that.

Our next charter is a short one, and the guests are a family from Wisconsin. As Aesha points out, having a family onboard is a rarity, so everyone’s excited to mix it up after last week’s wild bunch. While they enjoy Tzarina’s gorgeous charcuterie boards outside, João shows Adam how to properly tie the ropes on the aft deck. Adam tells us that after getting to know more about João’s personality, he views him in a different light and has a better understanding of his approach to the job. Fingers crossed they don’t end up butting heads in the future.

Culver, meanwhile, walks around the boat as if he’s invincible. After cutting the sleeve off his rash guard, he heads into the galley and asks Tzarina about her food, but she continues ignoring him and giving him curt responses. Queen shit. In a confessional, he expresses his worry over no longer being fed now that he’s gotten on Tzarina’s bad side. Babe, could you at least pretend to give a crap about her feelings? Afterward, João calls him out for his sleeves and tells him to change since it looks unprofessional and ugly. It’s quite pleasing to watch Culver get reprimanded for acting like he can do whatever he wants.

After his late-night conversation with Margot, Harry’s convinced that he gave her the wrong impression with the sunset date, so he decides to chat with her about it. Nothing we haven’t already heard is discussed, since Margot once again avoids the truth and tells him that she wants to have fun. In a confessional, Harry tells us that he’s going to keep charming her in the hopes that it’ll lead to something more. Honey, don’t waste your energy, she’s just not into you!!

For the beach picnic requested by the guests, Captain Jason decides to take them to an island that’s completely surrounded by water and disappears when the tide’s high. I’m sure it’s beautiful, but it also sounds terrifying. Imagine trying to relax and eat at a remote location that gets engulfed by the ocean after a certain amount of hours … I simply couldn’t risk it. The guests enjoy their barbecue on the beach without incident and are subsequently taken back to the boat, but by the time João and Adam return to the island to pick up Margot, Culver, and a large amount of equipment, the tide has gotten so strong that they struggle to push the tender back into the ocean. It reaches a scary point where the waves are pushing it so hard that it’s on the verge of being capsized, but thankfully they manage to make it out in time.

In the galley, João helps out in the kitchen after telling Culver, who initially answered Tzarina’s request for another pair of hands, to go work on something else on deck. João jokes that he stole cheffy’s “eye candy,” but she claims that she’s over it since she doesn’t “deserve to be second best.” True, because Culver only seems to care about one thing when it comes to her, and it’s making sure he has a full stomach. João tries to cheer Tzarina up, and I’m getting the vibe that this is preparing us for a romantic narrative between them, which I hate.

Tonight is the holiday-themed dinner, which, aside from the fun excuse to dress up, is a tacky theme for a yacht party. Aesha tasks João with dressing up as Santa, while Culver’s on Cupid duty even though he has no clue who Cupid is. Bless his himbo heart. Tzarina’s Halloween-themed first course is a pumpkin vomiting chips and guac along with pumpkin soup, and the Christmas main course is stuffed turkey with roast potatoes, cabbage purée, and deep-fried cauliflower and cheese.

The rest of the night is uneventful until Adam gets woken up by an alarming call from his mom, who informs him that his younger brother got jumped in the schoolyard by four other kids, whom he calls “fucking little pussy motherfuckers.” It’s clear that he cares deeply about his family and has been through a lot in his life, so it’s rough to see him deal with this knowing that he isn’t able to do anything about it. The next morning, he confides in João, who surprisingly shows him support and comfort because he relates to him, having had his own difficult experiences growing up in Zimbabwe (yes, we’re back to the regular mentions of his home country).

The episode concludes with the boat docking, starting with Culver being tasked with handling the tender but making the mistake of tying the ropes so tight that they can’t release it. Then, João asks Adam to work on the bow alone, which turns out to be a huge mistake when Adam struggles to move a fender, resulting in the boat scraping against a piece of metal on the dock. Add it to this season’s ever-growing list of damages. The Northern Sun simply can’t catch a break.

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