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Below Deck Down Under Recap: Rocking the Boat

Season 2 Episode 9 Editor’s Rating4 stars ****

Photo: Bravo It’s amazing how quickly things can escalate on Below Deck. Within the blink of an eye, Captain Jason and the deck crew lose control of the tender, causing Jason to fall over. Thankfully, he’s fine, and after the tender completely breaks the railing, they’re finally able to get it secured. Captain Jason, who always manages to remain calm in intense situations, tells Culver that he had the control on the fast setting when it should’ve been on the slow speed, which is why it didn’t go smoothly. Luckily, the broken railing is an easy and fairly cheap fix, but it seems like the disco helmet has Culver’s name written all over it this week.

Afterward, Margot tells us that Laura’s firing was a “blessing” since it gave her the opportunity to prove herself, but the new stew’s arrival is going to take her back to square one. Then she makes cocktails for the guests and literally samples them, which, girl, no! Based on the mid-season preview, I feel like this is foreshadowing a future drinking violation. Jaimee, the new stew, finally arrives, and Margot and Tzarina immediately feel threatened by her presence since she’s pretty, meanwhile the guys drool over her. Aesha, however, is just happy that Jaimee and her passion for decorating tables have come to rescue her.

The animal-themed dinner is tonight, and everyone looks fantastic in their animal-print outfits. The décor also certainly looks better than the last set, so Jaimee’s already making a good first impression. After the meal, it’s time for the real star of the evening, dessert, a.k.a. Laura, who emerges topless and lies down on the dinner table. Tzarina, who has been looking forward to this all day, paints her in melted chocolate and covers her in chocolate cakes, strawberries, whipped cream, and maple syrup, which the guests then eat off Laura as the rest of the crew watches. It looks like a very sensual, interactive work of art, and I sort of love it. I’m significantly less repulsed by this than I was watching people eat sushi off Gary’s body in the recent season of Sailing Yacht, so I consider this to be a success.

While Adam’s stuck helping Laura wash the remaining food off her naked body, João tells Tzarina that he was engaged but broke it off after his ex cheated multiple times and eventually “closed off from me entirely.” He tells us that it led to him being in a dark place and that he hopes to be able to be vulnerable with someone again. João sometimes sounds like a changed man in his confessionals, but I won’t hold my breath.

The next morning, Jaimee tells Aesha and Tzarina that she’s attracted to Culver, and Aesha makes it known that Tzarina already has dibs on him. In a confessional, Jaimee says that she’s going to tread with caution since Tzarina was laughing off the “advice” being given to her. But something tells me that she doesn’t care about stepping on toes and will pursue Culver anyway.

The guests depart, but not before Aesha helps Jason put in his contacts, a routine that has oddly become a highlight of my weekly viewing. The guests express their gratitude for the crew (tears are shed, literally), and I must admit they were a fun and chaotic bunch without being problematic or high-maintenance, which is the exact energy we needed this week.

While everyone’s cleaning the boat, Culver walks around the galley eating food, which has seemingly become his new personality trait. João asks his team to help remove the broken rails before the contractor arrives to fix them, which annoys Adam and Harry, who think that João doesn’t really want to put in effort and is only here for a paycheck. I mean, isn’t everyone mostly here to get paid? And I can’t believe I’m going to defend João, but from what I’ve seen so far, he’s been busting his ass while the deckies spend their time gossiping and complaining about how he isn’t working.

Everyone then gathers for the tip meeting, when Captain Jason shares that they received a much-deserved $20,000 tip. Jaimee continues to impress by asking if she can split her tip with the crew since she wasn’t there for the whole charter, and they suggest that she use it to pay their bill during the night out. The disco helmet gets awarded to Culver, which he deserves. I’m sure, deep down, it stung since he also received it last season.

Then it’s time for Harry and Margot’s date! Harry prepares a cheese board and sets up the beanbags on the deck. He tells us that he feels a lot of pressure to make it perfect, and it turns out to be a cute little setting. If only the actual date were as good. Harry and Margot drink Champagne while chatting about their past relationships and arguing about the pronunciation of algae (which, by the way, is a surefire way to tank a date), but then it rains, causing them to finish the date indoors. The conversation flows awkwardly the entire time (mostly because Margot doesn’t ask Harry any questions back), and they top it off with a kiss that comes off equally awkward because there’s zero chemistry between them. The entire date is uncomfortable to watch, mostly because it’s clear that Margot isn’t romantically interested in him. Like, she talks to him as if she’s talking to a friend or brother.

Shortly after, Aesha asks Margot if she felt her “fanny get tingly” when they kissed, and Margot admits that she didn’t feel a spark. At the same time, Harry’s gushing to Tzarina about how great it went. At this point, Margot’s just forcing herself to like Harry just because he’s a nice guy and she doesn’t want to hurt him, but it’ll backfire eventually. I’m not looking forward to seeing him get his heart shattered.

Before they head out for the night, Adam tells Tzarina that he doesn’t like João because he isn’t helpful, which is quite bold coming from someone who barely does anything and doesn’t think it’s important to keep the boat clean. Then the crew pack into cabs, with the OGs hopping into one car and leaving João and Jaimee alone in the other.

At the table, Tzarina gives a speech about making “new history” with the new crew members, and she’s close and touchy with João through the whole toast. Aesha notices this and points it out to Tzarina, who says that she’s only doing what her friend suggested, which is to “get through it” by acting like his best friend. A real girl’s girl who isn’t falling for João’s act, Aesha says that there’s a difference between “getting through it and sucking his dick” and that she’s noticed Tzarina acting flirtatious toward him ever since he arrived. I agree; I initially thought she was just trying to be nice, but I picked up on some weird sexual tension during their galley convos. Tzarina says that she’d never sleep with João because she’s “smarter than that.” As Justin Bieber once said, never say never!

Tzarina then decides to tell João that his deckies don’t think he’s working as much as they are because he isn’t as “hands-on” as Luke. Part of me loves Tzarina for stirring the pot, but the other part of me is annoyed that she’d rat them out while they’re getting shit-faced on a night out. João is pissed and takes it personally, saying that Culver’s the laziest person he has ever worked with and Adam hasn’t proven his knowledge despite having a higher qualification than he’s got. Ugh, I hate that he’s making good points.

Everyone then moves to the dance floor while Culver and Jaimee chat at the bar. Jaimee says that she has been wanting to talk to him all night but didn’t want to upset Tzarina. She’s like, “I want to kiss you, but I feel bad because she has a crush on you,” and Culver responds, “I know, but I’m all about you.” How could he??!! One minute he’s gushing over how much he likes Tzarina, and now he’s acting like she doesn’t exist. Once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy. Jaimee ultimately gives zero fucks, which leads to them making out right in front of Tzarina. I fear this will unleash a new side of Tzarina in the coming weeks, and I’m eager to see how she reacts to this new love triangle.

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