The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: Ex-Wives Club Recap: Where Do I Know This Woman From?
Olivia Crandall
6 min read
The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: Ex-Wives Club Recap: Where Do I Know This Woman From?
Season 2 Episode 2 Editor’s Rating3 stars ***
Photo: Peacock
Hi, hello there, excuse me. Am I in the right place? Vulture summoned me from my off-season home inside the walk-in at Valter’s to partake in this supposedly special occasion. But where is the catchy intro song? This is just the Deadwood score made from TikTok sounds? No one informed me this was a bring-your-own serotonin event.
Before I got screeners, I planned to ignore Vicki’s presence for the following 1,000 words as a silly little gag. But it turns out huffing nothing but fumes from the Shahrrest party bus for the last two years has done a number on my memory because damn near all of these women are really something. Fired, paused, on hold, let go, mutual decision, whatever — usually, when people are no longer on TV, there is a solid reason. Too much unpausing happening here. Someone get them back in the cryogenic freezers before the real decaying starts!
Alas, it’s still night one. Brandi is blasted, alternating between screaming at people to shut the fuck up and attempting to convince people (1) that Taylor’s husband’s suicide was the worst thing to ever happen to her, and (2) that they should all get naked. She’s sent to bed, which is a bummer because it means Vicki is at least 42 percent more comfortable. Dorinda, freshly marinated with lobster juice, reports that she doesn’t know how to manage dick-slapping, pussy-facing, coffee-drinking, church-going, and mother-calling all in the same day. The great struggles of modernity!
Vicki tries to sneak to her room for the night to start guzzling the 30 pills she was prescribed by a Facebook thread because she had COVID, which she describes as “the best thing ever.” Eva straight-up asks her, “Oh, you’re anti-vaxxer!?!” and it’s the best two-episode character arc I’ve ever seen. Love to bear witness to someone ripping off the rose-colored OG worship glasses and swiftly becoming a hater when presented with new information they somehow missed the last 16 years. A rousing vaccine discourse occurs, ending with Dorinda in her Gray Gardens x Hill House mumu, frothing wildly about unicorns and then apologizing to Vicki. Everyone goes to sleep, to do confessionals in Mary Cosby’s closet, to talk about anal, or to engage in whatever other rituals scrub their brains clean for another day of making reality television.
Speaking of which, it’s day two, and those Cameos aren’t gonna record themselves. The gals are up bright and early to strap in for six different group activities. Phaedra examines the dusty bacon. Eva’s already been to work and back. Vicki whines to Tamra for something to protect her stomach lining from that vat of horse medication. Brandi apologizes to Taylor, and Taylor refuses to emote anything resembling her actual feelings. Dorinda does an interview with PAPER, which better be feature-length, and if it’s not, consider this my pitch to go to Bluestone Manor and do it myself. Jill Zarin — oh, wait — Jill Zarin is here. The editors pull out the “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ANY HATERS, YEAH” royalty-free muzak, spin up some drone footage, and her surprise entrance is still the dramatic equivalent of dislodging a tonsil stone.
Quorum reached, the gals can begin their pizza party, which is spent roasting Jill for bringing a rolling rack and sounding like a QVC presenter like either of those things are bad in the year of our lord, Deborah Vance, 2022. Everyone has enough time for precisely three bites of burrata before they have to run to a sound bath before hitting the ice cream party. There’s a fascinating relaxation dichotomy on display here. On one extreme, we’ve got Phaedra, who is like, “Whew, normally I don’t pack my vacations so full, but I love a lady who’s organized.” On the other extreme, we’ve got Vicki, who is like, “Sitting is a waste of time. If I don’t open Outlook every nine minutes and say ‘fiscal, family, faith’ three times fast, I will wither into an unlovable husk.” Just something to think about for anyone with even the tiniest nubbin of PTO.
Anyway, Eva and Taylor have a genuine conversation about domestic abuse and different types of female strength. It’s a reminder that no matter how much glitz and glam and greige-spackled-Restylane lip puffery is going on, these women still have to be people in the world, and a lot of being a person in the world is total shit. It’s also not as jarring as it should be, probably because their moment of vulnerability is fleeting. They quickly hug and make a pact to get drunk.
The pact is indeed fulfilled! To cap off the longest day on planet Earth, the ex-wives head to Ventford Hall, which is notoriously haunted by The Morgans. The ghosts are still angry about that time in season 11 when Dorinda put her bare claws all over their letters, so they get revenge by forcing her to dress like a Christmas tree trapped in the Baz Luhrmann cinematic universe.
Before dinner, there’s a quick coffee reading. Everyone gets mad at Brandi for talking, Jill gets mad at coffee for not being Diet Coke, and Vicki gets mad at the coffee reader for wearing a mask. Some real all-star stuff across the board. RING-A-DING-A-LING! It’s the bell to commence the introduction of the salads. I will use it to introduce the two main factions that continue to unfold between the ladies in this episode.
In one corner, we’ve got Taylor, Vicki, Tamra, and two-thirds of Dorinda. The team mascot is a pearl-clutching its pearls. They all think Brandi is “dumb as a doorknob” and refuses to learn from being told not to call people bitches. There is a lot of self-righteousness, policing, and that purple shampoo people use to ensure their ’spensive hair doesn’t get whatever the hell brassy is.
In the other corner, we’ve got Brandi, one-third of Dorinda, plus Eva and Phaedra. Their team mascot is a five-milligram Sativa Sour Strawberry gummy cut into thirds with a pair of cuticle scissors. Everyone here who isn’t Brandi is caught up on Selling Sunset and knows the only thing worse than a senseless villain is a senseless villain vindicated by non-stop piling on. But Brandi? I won’t even pretend like I understand what motivates her behavior. Chaos? Horniness? Desperation for love coupled with an inability to read the room?
Case in point: Somewhere in the midst of screaming at people to shut the fuck up, Brandi thought it apt to ask the Ventford Hall chef if his wife is a lesbian. Phaedra asks her how she came to this conclusion, and Brandi responds, “her eyebrows.” The gals engage in a stirring debate over whether you can tell someone’s degree of sapphic attraction by eyebrows alone. It’s nothing if not continued proof that we as a country need to encourage open and comprehensive discussion on sexual orientation and gender identity for kids (and for middle-aged ladies who are yet to find any semblance of the queer community).
Anyway, I should probably be off before I go long on which character from The L Word Brandi most identifies with (my money’s on Bette sun, Alice moon, Jenny rising, but Tina’s gotta be in there somewhere). See ya whenever RHOSLC is back!
VULTURE NEWSLETTER
Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice
<
p aria-hidden=”true”>By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Notice and to receive email correspondence from us.
Related News & Content
-
Use wp.media templates to create totally custom modal
Use wp.media templates to create totally custom modal,Following up on this answer I'm trying to determine how to create a modal with completely unique menu items/content than the media modal. If you add a new state you can add a new menu tab and hav... -
Get post by tag
Get post by tag,I want to get several post by tag. So I try to use get_posts() function: <?php $args = array( 'numberposts' => '3', 'post_status' => 'publish', 'tag' => 'travel' ); $ -
Elementor + ACF: How to insert dynamic JSON-LD formatted code into ACF field without sanitizing the script tag?
Elementor + ACF: How to insert dynamic JSON-LD formatted code into ACF field without sanitizing the script tag?,On a normal website, I am able to add JSON-LD structured data, such as below, into a Elementor HTML widget, in a proper way. However, as soon as I insert JSON-LD format into an ACF field (Textarea)... -
Gutenberg InnerBlocks noallowedblocks on parent but allowedblock on Child
Gutenberg InnerBlocks noallowedblocks on parent but allowedblock on Child,This is a continuation of the following post: Custom Gutenberg block with nested InnerBlocks renderAppender not displaying add button I solved one problem but created a different problem. I'm recr... -
Delay Issue: Using Wget with JSON Endpoint – Need Help Understanding Headers
Delay Issue: Using Wget with JSON Endpoint – Need Help Understanding Headers,On a WooCommerce website, I have a REST endpoint created with register_rest_route that returns a JSON response. To perform a routine with a certain frequency and urgency, I have added this instruct... -
How do I change top header background color
How do I change top header background color,Please refer to website: https://virginiafrank.com I cannot get the top header background color (or phone numbers) to change color. I would prefer the background gold and text black. I can't make t... -
How to display the_tags() as plain text
How to display the_tags() as plain text,the_tags by default is displaying as URL. I need to display it as plain text to insert inside HTML attribute. <?php $tag = the_tags(''); ?> <div class="image-portfolio" data-section... -
Give to site admin the option to "skip confirmation email" when adding new user
Give to site admin the option to "skip confirmation email" when adding new user,in wordpress multisite when we give to site admin the option to add new users, site admin dont have the "checkbox" to add the new user without sending the user email with link activation (see the -
Facing Hamas and Tehran, Israel is left with only vengeful madness | Opinion
Facing Hamas and Tehran, Israel is left with only vengeful madness | Opinion,Despite the Terrible Disaster on October 7, and the Failures It Exposed, Israel Is Still Convinced That the Image of the Mad Man Will Ensure Its Security -
Toyota’s Super Bowl Ad Relies on Car Challenges, Not Famous Faces
Toyota's Super Bowl Ad Relies on Car Challenges, Not Famous Faces,Toyota decided just weeks ago to run a Super Bowl commercial, and is betting on a spot that has no celebrities or special effects. -
Release the Beatles Jerk-off Cut
Release the Beatles Jerk-off Cut,Sam Mendes is making four Beatles movies, one for each Beatle. But if none of the movies include the legendary story of John and Paul’s days of group masturbation, Mendes will have blown his wad for naught. -
There’s a Great Movie to Be Made About Bob Marley’s Story. One Love Is Not It.
There’s a Great Movie to Be Made About Bob Marley’s Story. One Love Is Not It.,Walking away from ‘Bob Marley: One Love,’ you may feel you know less about the great musician than you did going in. -
A24 Reveals I Saw the TV Glow Trailer, Announces Star-Studded Soundtrack
A24 Reveals I Saw the TV Glow Trailer, Announces Star-Studded Soundtrack,A24 has shared the trailer for the upcoming horror film I Saw the TV Glow and announced the soundtrack with Phoebe Bridgers, Alex G, and Caroline Polachek,. -
Tom Hanks to Narrate Masters of the Air Companion Doc, The Bloody Hundredth
Tom Hanks to Narrate Masters of the Air Companion Doc, The Bloody Hundredth,Apple TV+ has announced The Bloody Hundredth, a companion documentary to Masters of the Air narrated by Tom Hanks. It premieres on March 15th. -
Benson Boone Eyes Second Week at No. 1 In U.K. With ‘BeautifulThings’
Benson Boone Eyes Second Week at No. 1 In U.K. With ‘BeautifulThings’,Olivia Rodrigo is on track for the week's highest debut with "Obsessed." -
West Virginia Gov. Justice vetoes bill that would have loosened school vaccine policies
West Virginia Gov. Justice vetoes bill that would have loosened school vaccine policies,West Virginia Republican Gov. Jim Justice broke with the GOP-majority Legislature to veto a bill that would have loosened one of the country’s strictest school vaccination policies -
Blondshell and Bully Team Up For New Single “Docket”
Blondshell and Bully Team Up For New Single “Docket”,Blondshell has teamed up with Alicia Bognanno of Bully for the newly released single "Docket." Listen to the track here. -
Carol Kirkwood stuns in figure-hugging dress amid BBC Breakfast technical chaos
Carol Kirkwood stuns in figure-hugging dress amid BBC Breakfast technical chaos,CAROL Kirkwood stunned in a figure-hugging dress amid a technical blunder. BBC Breakfast was flung into chaos this morning after a string of sound issues. However Carol, 61, was all smiles as she p… -
Families ‘to sue prison’ where loud inmates ‘terrorise kids’ with screaming
Families 'to sue prison' where loud inmates 'terrorise kids' with screaming,Residents living next door to a new prison who say their kids have to sleep wearing headphones and some leave during weekends due to the racket are threatening to sue the prison service -
Doctor Strange’s Secret Wars Role May Be More Important Than You Thought – Looper
Doctor Strange's Secret Wars Role May Be More Important Than You Thought - Looper,According to entertainment leaker Alex Perez, Doctor Strange will find himself confronting his inner struggles as he headlines "Avengers: Secret Wars." -
‘It’s too revealing for a wedding’ people say as guest shares her dress with cut-outs & plunging neckline
‘It’s too revealing for a wedding’ people say as guest shares her dress with cut-outs & plunging neckline,A WOMAN has been mocked after sharing the summer dress she was considering wearing to nuptials. Attending someone’s big day can be just as stressful as organising the wedding ceremony –… -
Carl Weathers dead at 76: Rocky and Happy Gilmore actor mourned by family after dying ‘peacefully in his sleep’
Carl Weathers dead at 76: Rocky and Happy Gilmore actor mourned by family after dying ‘peacefully in his sleep’,ACTOR Carl Weathers has died at 76. Weathers, whose career spanned film and television, action and comedy, is best known for his role as Apollo Creed in the Rocky franchise, as well as his performa… -
‘What Jennifer Did’: Netflix doc explores shocking Ont. murder-for-hire case
'What Jennifer Did': Netflix doc explores shocking Ont. murder-for-hire case,Most of Jennifer Pan's entire life was made up of lies. When her parents began to catch on, she decided to bring in hired hitmen. -
What’s behind the lack of enthusiasm for this year’s music festivals?
What's behind the lack of enthusiasm for this year's music festivals?,The public sentiment about this year's crop of music festivals is an overwhelming "meh." There are good reasons for this. -
Biden might actually do something about ludicrously expensive concert tickets
Biden might actually do something about ludicrously expensive concert tickets,Why are Olivia Rodrigo, Taylor Swift, and Bad Bunny tickets expensive? It might have something to do with Ticketmaster and LiveNation — leading to an expected federal antitrust lawsuit. -
How cars fuel racial inequality
How cars fuel racial inequality,Cars can facilitate freedom. They also drive discrimination.
Warning: file_get_contents(https://www.scienceradars.com/wp-output-content.php?pg=1&cat=&kw=&lvl=): Failed to open stream: HTTP request failed! HTTP/1.1 526 in /home/wwwroot/xuenou.com/wp-content/themes/chromenews/template-parts/content.php on line 169
Warning: file_get_contents(https://www.bayuexiang.com/wp-output-content.php?pg=1&cat=&kw=&lvl=): Failed to open stream: HTTP request failed! HTTP/1.1 526 in /home/wwwroot/xuenou.com/wp-content/themes/chromenews/template-parts/content.php on line 173
Dave Chappelle vs. trans people vs. Netflix
How do you solve a problem like Joe Rogan?
Netflix’s live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender is everything fans hoped it would be
The internet isn’t happy with Vogue’s Kamala Harris cover
